The Comfort of Knowledge
by SummerMess
Summary: Slash. AU. Remus and Sirius meet briefly at a young age. When an older Remus shows up at Hogwarts a few years later he captures the attention of many, including Sirius.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: **__All recognizable characters, places, etc. belong to JK Rowling. I am making no money from this._

_**Summary: **__Slash. AU. Remus and Sirius meet briefly at a young age. When an older Remus shows up at Hogwarts a few years later, he captures the attention of many, including Sirius._

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**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 1**

The early morning sunshine, slowly leaking into the busy streets of London did not, unfortunately, reach the cold, desolate streets of Diagon Alley. The rain poured with a harsh intensity as the lone figure dashed into the nearest shop. Drenched and shivering from the unforgiving wind, the freezing air seemed to follow him into the store and filter in through the dusty cracks and darkened windows.

The boy took a moment to revel in the dry comfort of the small bookshop before looking around with his big, golden eyes. They took in the antique bookcases that stood tall—lining all the walls with authority. It was almost as if the shelves were somehow aware of all the knowledge they held.

And the young boy was certainly aware.

He loved the thought of perusing the many books – indeed, there was not a title in sight that he was not itching to hold in his small, eager hands – but he somehow managed to remain still.

After a moment, his eyes followed a rich, mahogany staircase up to another darkened area which housed more of the imposing bookshelves.

Looking back at the blackened door he'd come through, he started cautiously across the room. He was careful not to disturb the silence as he walked up the stairs. He wondered fleetingly at the apparent lack of customers within the shop.

When he reached the second floor, however, his mind quickly turned to other things.

In silence, he began to tip-toe around, allowing his fingers to ghost across the spines of dusty, aged books.

The boy explored half a dozen aisles before his wandering hands fell on a familiar title.

When he bent down to take a closer look, he half-expected an alarm to sound at his interest. Reaching out hesitantly, he took the plain, brown book in his small hands.

It immediately flipped open, pictures of ancient buildings and marbled statues staring up at him from the pages. He leaned in closer, quickly becoming engrossed in theextraordinary photographs. His fingers brushed over each page with reverence.

_How long had it been since he'd seen these?_

"The _children's_ books are upstairs."

The arrogant, slightly bored sounding voice came from somewhere behind him.

The tawny-haired boy whipped his head around quickly and stood.

Leaning casually against the shelf behind him, arms crossed, was a pale, lanky boy of significant height.

The smaller boy blinked in surprise. "S-Sorry. I didn't mean –"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake – leave him alone, Shanks. He's only a little guy – probably lost his parents."

The boy turned towards the new voice and felt his eyes widen.

Leaning against one of the bookshelves nearby was an older boy – his shining black hair tied back neatly; his gray eyes glinting in the dim light.

The boy held himself with the arrogance and grace of a pureblood but the mischief in his eyes and the trace of a smile lurking about his lips hinted at something more.

At the moment, the older boy's mischievous gaze was fixed on him.

"What's your name then, little guy?" he asked.

The young boy blinked.

"Remus," he said softly. He knew his voice was barely audible above the relentless rain but the dark haired boy did not ask him to repeat himself.

"Pleasure to meet you," he replied quickly. "My name is Sirius, Sirius Black."

The boy's grey eyes glanced away from him for a brief second.

"Maybe you should come with me," he whispered, nodding towards the still scowling figure of Shanks.

Without another word, Remus began to follow the older boy down the length of the aisle.

He felt Shanks' icy stare on his back until they rounded the corner and had to suppress a shiver.

Finally, when the pair was suitably hidden amongst the books, the thought occurred to Remus that perhaps he should not have followed the older boy.

_What would he say to him?_

_What could the two of them possibly have in common?_

Just as he was about to open his mouth to excuse himself – and attempt to find his way back to the front door – the older boy turned to face him.

The wide grin he flashed Remus was full of mischief.

When the boy raised a smooth, black eyebrow in challenge and sprinted down one of the aisles, Remus felt an unfamiliar emotion course through him.

It was as if they'd known each other for years.

As if they were old friends.

Instead of turning away to find the entrance, Remus found himself racing after the older boy, unexplainable laughter bubbling up in his chest.

* * *

For hours the two boys played together.

They ran and hid and joked – and when they were finally too worn out to run around anymore, they settled down in a corner where they began a comfortable discussion about school, books and quidditch. Somehow they continuously avoided the subject of their respective backgrounds.

It did not matter much to them though. Not right then.

Although Remus appeared considerably younger than the dark-haired boy, the two of them quickly discovered that they were only separated by little more than a year.

Remus' reason for not yet attending Hogwarts – despite being of age – was never spoken of. Sirius would have liked to pursue the subject, but noticed the closed expression on the smaller boy's face and held his tongue.

It was not until Remus began to once again pore over the brown book that he had originally found, that Sirius noticed thepictures it held. He was stunned by the passion with which Remus spoke of the places and the people he saw in the book.

It wasn't long before Sirius found himself completely immersed in what Remus was saying. The young boy had the exceptional ability to draw a listener in. His voice, though soft, was smooth and soothing.

It was not so surprising, then, when Sirius nearly jumped a foot in the air at the sound of the store door crashing open.

A towering man stalked inside and glared around angrily. A chilling gust of wind followed him in.

The man's amber eyes searched the store bottom to top until they finally landed on the two seated figures upstairs.

"What _exactly_ did you think I meant when I told you to stay in the room?"

Eyebrows raised, Sirius turned quickly to face Remus.

"You know him?" He mouthed.

"My dad," came the whispered reply.

"Ah," Sirius stood up as Remus did—intent on meeting the father of his new friend.

No introductions were made though.

The steely eyed man strode forward, and in a flash of pale skin and large, brutish hands, the angry figure rushed up the stairs and roughly grabbed Remus' arm, dragging him towards the door without a word.

He knew the shock was apparent on his face but Sirius could not help it.

How could _this_ man be Remus' father?

Sirius remained still—following Remus' downcast eyes and blushing face as he and his father moved hurriedly towards the entrance.

Taking a quick moment to shake himself, Sirius quickly reached for the ancient, worn book Remus had been reading.

"Wait – Remus! Your book!" He rushed out after them, barely catching up to the retreating figures.

The small arm was still in the older man's cruel grasp and Sirius felt a strange twinge of anger at the contact. He had to force himself to smile when he caught Remus' eye.

"Almost forgot your book," he whispered.

"But—," Remus began.

"A gift…for getting you in trouble," he said softly**.**

Remus' eyes flashed with an unreadable look before he carefully took the proffered book.

"Thank you," he whispered back. The two grasped hands in a quick, youthful handshake before Remus was once again yanked gruffly into the still pouring rain.

This time, the boy disappeared completely into the cold mist.

Sirius stood outside the shop for several minutes, the air bouncing off his thick, black cloak. He gazed almost longingly into the mist – as if staring long enough might actually bring his young friend back.

With his pocket significantly lighter after paying for the book he'd given to Remus, Sirius made his way home, lost in thought.

That summer, he returned to the bookshop everyday with the hope of once again meeting up with the other boy—and perhaps this time getting his last name. But to his utter disappointment, Sirius never saw the other boy again that summer.

And little did he know it, but it would be all of three years before he would set eyes on the younger boy again.

Until that time came, though, the haunting glow of the golden eyes rarely left his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 2**

The cold, chilling air whistling about the castle was strangely reminiscent of a day not long ago.

Accompanying the sounds of the wind, the silence was broken only by loudly trotting feet splashing through the mud.

A black carriage could be seen in the distance.

The graceful horse leading the way kept its pace fairly quick, until it finally neared the front steps of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

A young boy, neatly dressed in dark gray traveling robes and a thick wool scarf, stepped down from the carriage in silence. He turned his head up, studying the tall towers that, despite their height, were somehow welcoming.

He closed his eyes, breathing in the cool, fresh scent of the rain.

Soon the sound of cheerful voices and bustling students burst through the peace and reached his ears. He reluctantly opened his eyes, stepping hesitantly towards the waiting figure.

"Remus Lupin?" she asked sharply.

The boy nodded.

"Follow me."

He trailed after the stern looking woman into a dimly lit hall and saw a busy rush of students flowing into what looked to be a much larger room.

"Professor Dumbledore informed me that you were sorted last month when you visited with your father."

The boy nodded once more.

"Good. I'll see to it that your possessions reach your dormitory safely." She strode off outside, leaving the quiet boy alone once again.

He took a deep breath and walked calmly into the room.

His entrance went unnoticed at first, but the further he stepped into the hall, the more the students, chatting animatedly about one thing or another, quieted.

The tawny haired boy kept his eyes focused on the ground in front of him. In his peripheral vision he could see the faces turning towards him, curiously watching his every move. The whispers spread throughout the room as he approached the front of the hall.

The headmaster stood and offered him a kind, if somewhat amused, smile. It momentarily eased some of the trepidation the boy felt at the attention.

The older man cleared his throat.

"Welcome, welcome, I know that you are all anxious to eat but first I have someone I would like to introduce. Over these last few months your professors and I have been discussing a very particular issue and we have recently decided to admit a new student."

The hall immediately began buzzing with murmurs of surprise. Hogwarts never had transfer students.

The headmaster cleared his throat again. "Let us all welcome Remus Lupin. He will be joining the fifth year Gryffindors and I am sure that as he gets settled in, he will be warmly welcomed by each and every one of you."

Smiling down at him once more, the headmaster lowered his voice and nodded pointedly at one table in particular.

"Why don't you take a seat, Mr. Lupin."

Remus smiled back slightly before walking towards the table indicated to him.

As soon as he reached it, a couple of young first years made room for him on the end of the bench. Although they smiled encouragingly, he could tell that they were too shy to start a conversation with him.

Remus heard Dumbledore make a few more announcements before absently waving a hand around the room.

Only slightly surprised at the sight of food appearing atop all of the tables, Remus politely waited while the others served themselves.

When it finally came, his first attempt to reach for the food was interrupted by the sound of two rowdy voices making their way into the hall.

Looking over the heads of the other students, all he could see was an incredibly unruly mass of hair, followed by a much neater head of midnight-black hair. Unable to understand the reason for the immediate whispering upon their entrance, Remus turned back towards the food.

It wasn't long before he heard a squeal and looked up to see a short, curly-haired brunette squeezing her way between two of the first years.

"Hello," she smiled sweetly. "Remus, right?"

"Yes," he replied quietly. "Remus Lupin." He reached across the table, offering his hand politely.

She seemed taken aback—as did everyone else who had heard his quiet, smooth voice. It was the first time they had heard him speak and unbeknownst to him, they were all pleasantly surprised at the sound.

The curly-haired girl eagerly shook his hand, giggling softly as she did so.

She looked as if she intended to continue the conversation—if only to hear his sweet, honey-toned voice again – but just as she was opening her mouth on a question, another strangely familiar voice came from behind him.

"Aw, you haven't gone and replaced me, have you Abby?"

The girl blushed slightly and blinked up at a figure over Remus' head.

Suppressing the urge to frown at the familiar tone, Remus turned in his seat to meet the newcomer.

He blinked.

There were two of them.

He understood at once that they must be the two dark-haired boys who had burst in earlier. He nodded politely at the bespectacled boy and received an amused but friendly nod in return.

Remus turned to acknowledge the other boy in a similar manner but failed.

He felt shock course through him at the sight of the taller boy's face.

As their eyes met, the charming smile fell from the older boy's face and the overconfident youth quickly sobered.

Much to the surprise of everybody within the vicinity, the sixth year's normally quick wit had vanished—leaving his vocabulary in possession of only one word.

"Remus."


	3. Chapter 3

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 3**

The two boys stared at one another in silence.

"Sirius," they heard a voice saying in the distance. "Sirius, come_ on_, McGonagall is going to throw a fit if we don't sit down."

They both blinked in unison, genuinely startled by the interruption.

Sirius kept his gaze intent on the other boy as his friend impatiently pulled him back towards some empty seats near the entrance.

When they were finally seated, his friend could barely keep the incredulity from his voice.

"Merlin Sirius, what was that all about?"

"I know him," he muttered back distractedly. He watched intently as Remus turned his attention back to the students around him.

"Who? That guy over there with Abby? How could you know him? I've never even seen him before in my life. He must be visiting or something."

Sirius didn't answer. All of his attention was being absorbed by the brown-haired boy across the room. There were noticeable changes, of course—his height, his hair, his clothing—but he still had the same glowing eyes that Sirius remembered so well.

_What was he doing here?_

Several minutes passed before Sirius was finally able to tear his gaze away. When he did, he quickly realized that he was not the only one fascinated by the golden-eyed boy.

Much to Sirius' unexplainable irritation, the boy's pensiveness did not seem to deter the girls in the slightest. He was new; and as the evening progressed, it became apparent to Sirius that this was enough to keep the girls giggling with excitement and the boys gawking with envy.

Remus, for his part, looked remarkably calm.

While he admittedly had a somewhat distracted look about him, it was clear he was managing to converse smoothly with those around him.

For several minutes, Sirius simply watched the boy's lips – trying to get an idea about what he was saying. In all honesty, it did not appear to be anything more than small talk but Sirius found that he had no qualms about continuing to watch the other boy.

It was not until the fair-haired fifth year Ravenclaw, Terry Shane, squeezed himself into the seat beside Remus that Sirius' study was interrupted.

Remus turned to face the other boy and Sirius' view now consisted of the back of Remus' head.

Inexplicably, he felt himself tense. He sat up a little straighter to get a better view of the two.

"I suppose it would be pointless to ask you why you've been staring at that kid for over an hour…"

Sirius clenched his jaw at the comment but turned and forced himself to look down at the empty plate in front of him. He couldn't explain why it was so easy to tell James about his vile, detestable family, and yet it had been too difficult to bring up the sweet (and albeit only) meeting in the bookshop.

Perhaps, had he done that, it would have forced him to acknowledge that after three years he would not be seeing Remus again.

But now all of that had changed, hadn't it? They had somehow found each other again.

Sirius looked over at Remus and was surprised to find the golden eyes staring back at him. Remus offered him a shy smile but turned away quickly to answer another one of the girls' questions.

Sirius watched as Shane leaned in to add something, making Remus laugh softly and shake his head at the comment.

Sirius felt something twinge inside of him.

Much to his friend's obvious bewilderment, he proceeded to stab moodily at some pie in the center of the table for the remainder of the evening.

At half past 9, James, who had long ago given up hope of having any sort of conversation, nudged Sirius once and began walking up to the Gryffindor common room. When Sirius followed several minutes later he found that, for the first time in awhile, he didn't mind walking alone.

As he lay in bed that night, all of his thoughts were centered on when he would next get to see his old friend.

He was worried about the younger boy.

Thinking back to their first meeting, he knew that none of the girls here deserved the right to call Remus their friend.

Sirius would have to watch out for him.

With that thought in mind, he closed his eyes and welcomed sleep.

* * *

When Sirius awoke the next morning, it was to the sound of someone rustling around loudly in his trunk.

He sent a glare in the general direction of the noise and was not surprised in the slightest when an unruly head popped up at the foot of his bed.

"Morning, mate— mind if I borrow this?"

Sirius didn't respond but slowly sat up and continued to glare down at the other boy.

He had been dreaming of Remus and was slightly annoyed at the sudden disturbance. He barely even glanced at what James was holding up as he strode past him and dressed in silence.

Sirius stared thoughtfully at his reflection in the mirror for a moment before heading wordlessly down to breakfast.

From where he sat, Sirius had a fairly unobstructed view of Remus at the far end of the table. However, as he quickly noticed with no small amount of annoyance, a certain blond Ravenclaw had decided to once again abandon his own table for the Gryffindor one.

Sirius scowled at him but Shane did not look away from Remus long enough to notice.

Soon enough the room was abuzz with the sounds of students busying themselves with last minute homework. When they began to wander off to their classes, Sirius lost his view of Remus and was forced to head towards his first class of the morning.

Throughout the course of the day, he made all kinds of efforts to talk to Remus, but between Sirius' old admirers and Remus' new ones, the two boys never had a moment alone.

It was not until the students were filing out of the last classes of the day that an opportunity finally arose.

As Sirius was making his way back to the Gryffindor common room, he noticed the object of his thoughts slip past a few fifth years and make his way towards the main entrance of Hogwarts.

Sirius followed without hesitation. Once outside, he spotted the boy immediately.

"Remus!" he called out. "Remus, wait up!"

The other boy turned around slowly at the sound of his voice.

"Sirius," he said with a small smile. "It is good to see you."

Sirius felt his insides warm at the sound of the other's voice. It had changed since the last time they'd spoken.

"Where are you off to?" he finally asked.

Remus' eyes looked furtively to the sky but quickly returned to Sirius' face.

"Just for a walk," he answered softly. Although he was still smiling, the boy seemed inexplicably tense.

"Would you like some company?"

At Remus' slight nod, the two boys fell into step together.

As they walked further away from the castle, Sirius tried not to shiver noticeably at the cold air blowing around them. In an effort to distract himself, he began to take note of the changes in Remus' appearance.

Although Sirius still stood quite a few inches above him, (something that was unexplainably pleasing to Sirius), it seemed his friend had grown taller as well.

He looked away from the younger boy and felt a genuine smile tug at the corners of his mouth.

When they finally reached the lake, they both took a seat at one of the benches positioned around the water.

Nervous, thrilled, impatient – Sirius turned to stare boldly at the other boy and waited until the golden gaze was focused on him before opening his mouth.

"So," he began seriously. "You've become a bloody Casanova."

For a moment, Remus just stared at him intently – studying his face in the same way Sirius had studied his earlier. Then, just as quickly, Remus let out a puff of laughter and shook his head – a grin spreading across his face.

"Hardly," Remus answered.

And just like that, it was as if the two had never parted.

They talked and laughed until the cold air seeping through their cloaks began to get harder and harder to ignore.

When the sky began to turn dark, Sirius finally voiced the question that had been plaguing his mind since first seeing his friend again.

"Remus, why now?"

Remus had been staring at the sky again and Sirius noticed him frown slightly at the question.

"It was just time for things to change, I suppose," he said quietly.

They sat together in silence.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah, Remus?"

"Perhaps we should get back."

Although he did not reply, Sirius stood and held out a hand for Remus to take.

After pulling himself up, the two stood for a moment looking into one another's eyes.

"I'm glad you're here, Remus."

"Me too," came the soft reply.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 4**

Remus was settling in nicely.

His kind, studious nature charmed the professors and attracted many admirers—none of whom could seem to get their intent across to Remus. Consequently, the majority of students began to assume that, for all his cleverness, Remus Lupin must be fairly inexperienced when it came to the opposite sex.

Although this was, in fact, an accurate assumption, the idea of becoming experienced did not much appeal to Remus. He genuinely did not (unlike many of his classmates) desire to be the center of attention and expressing interest in any of the girls would likely just provide more fodder for gossip.

It was unsurprising, then, that the boy in question was currently seated next to Terry Shane who, sharing three of the most challenging classes with Remus—Potions, Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts—proved to be as intellectually stimulated as his new fifth year friend. As a result, studying became the primary reason for their regular meetings. That, and Remus found he got along very well with the other boy.

Breakfast had just finished that day when Terry waved him over to the Ravenclaw table—holding up his partially finished essay due in the following Monday. Remus had smiled in response and walked quietly to the other table—warmly welcomed by all of the house's students.

The sound of the large double doors swinging open turned the entirety of the room's occupants towards three figures standing at the entrance.

"Can't seem to enter anywhere quietly, can they?" Terry chuckled softly.

Remus smiled in response as he looked over at the small group of boys.

James Potter was making a scene of apologizing profusely to Professor McGonagall for disturbing the Saturday morning study hall while Peter Pettigrew stood snickering a few feet behind him.

Sirius Black, on the other hand, was abnormally quiet as he scanned the Gryffindor table with a strangely intense look on his face.

When the black-haired sixth year finally looked towards the Ravenclaw table, he immediately grinned upon seeing Remus.

Only after Remus had held up his hand in a friendly wave and turned back to his essay did Sirius' eyes flicker towards Terry.

The arrogant grin was immediately replaced by a scowl.

It had been three weeks since the two had taken their walk outside. They rarely found time to see each other, much less talk—occupying separate dorms and attending different classes did not prove to work in their favor.

As he and his friends took a seat at the end of the Gryffindor table, the sound of a squeaky voice interrupted Sirius' thoughts on Remus…and the bloody studious Ravenclaws.

"Er…Sirius…what exactly are we doing in an optional Study Hall?"

"What do you think, Peter? We're _study_ing." He said this with a mischievous look directed at James.

"What he means, Peter, is that we are _researching _for an upcoming…event. I suspect you have something in mind, Mr. Black?" If the surrounding students could have heard their conversation, even the most oblivious person would not have missed the devilish tone in James Potter's voice.

He leaned forward, making sure no one was listening in.

"Do I dare hope it has something to do with our _dear_ friends over there?" The bespectacled boy looked over and stared pointedly at Severus Snape and the other Slytherins.

Sirius gave him one of his haughty smiles in answer.

"Just wait. Come Monday morning, they will be hiding in their little Slytherin lair—_below_ us—where they belong."

James' eyes sparkled in anticipation.

In truth, it was not necessary for Sirius to bring his two friends to the Great Hall to discuss his latest idea for a prank but unfortunately it seemed that this was the place Remus chose to frequent the most on Saturday mornings…and Sirius was anxious to see the other boy.

He made sure Peter was absorbed in James' detailed recount of last year's quidditch match against the Slytherins before looking discreetly in the direction of the Ravenclaw table once more.

Sirius watched as Remus' bit his quill without thinking, his brow scrunched up slightly in concentration.

He smiled as he thought back to the eager boy at the bookshop.

Yes, his young friend may have grown taller and lost many of his boyish features, but he was sure the other was still the same shy, passionate person he had connected with on that otherwise dark day.

Quite suddenly, Sirius wished that his plan involved something that could take place that very morning—he was not sure why, but he wanted to show Remus how…creative (and downright disobedient) he could be without getting caught.

He quickly turned his attention back to his friends and with an elbow to James' ribs, indicated he was ready to reveal his plan.

_Snivellus_ better enjoy his peaceful morning.

* * *

After four hours of writing and revising, Remus released a sigh in satisfaction.

"Finished?"

He looked up to see Terry had cleaned up his own area and appeared to have been watching Remus for quite some time.

"Yeah, I think it will do," he replied.

"I don't know, Remus…your eighteen pages might not cut it," Terry said playfully.

Remus released one of his deep, pleasant chuckles and began packing up his supplies.

Within moments he was bidding farewell to his Ravenclaw friend and agreeing to meet before the upcoming DADA practice exam.

Remus walked slowly to the entrance of the hall and up the stairs to the library—absorbed in a book that Terry had lent him about the exploits of one wizard in France.

Studying a picture of the man holding up an odd looking creature that Remus was trying his hardest to identify, the golden-eyed boy did not notice the approaching students until it was too late.

His books and supplies were scattered about the hall as he crashed head on into a very solid figure.

Remus stood up as quickly as he could manage.

"Please excuse me. I really should learn to be patient enough to wait until I'm actually _in_side the library before reading…"

The boy he bumped into did not look forgiving.

He had greasy, black hair and an unpleasant glower on his sallow face. Remus remembered seeing him seated among other older students at the Slytherin table.

The older boy looked Remus up and down once and pushed past roughly.

Remus looked over at another pale, pointed face that was looking down at him disdainfully; the boy towered over him in height and harshly hissed at him to watch where he was going.

Unlike the other two, the third figure looked distinctly familiar.

The boy appeared to recognize Remus as well and was clearly about to say something scathing when a couple of seventh year Ravenclaws rounded the corner and narrowed their eyes at him.

The boy glared hard at Remus but followed his friends without having uttered a single word.

Remus frowned for a moment, trying to remember where he might have seen the older Slytherin but before long was picking up his belongings—his mind once more occupied with thoughts of the library.

* * *

"Okay Sirius, neither one of us knows what it looks like, so you'll have to go get the book while Peter and I get the ingredients for the serum. We'll meet back in the common room when we're finished."

James, Sirius, and Peter were all standing in the center of their dormitory, books and notes spread out around them.

"Alright. Give me the cloak and you two take the map. You shouldn't run into any trouble…I doubt anyone will be monitoring the dungeons at this hour."

The messy haired boy turned, reached into his trunk, and tossed his friend the cloak.

Outside of the common room, Sirius wrapped the cloak around himself and began walking purposefully in the direction of the library.

It was half past one and after much planning and debating he and his friends had finally perfected their newest plan. He felt the familiar burst of anticipation building up inside him.

He turned left down the final hall and carefully opened the door to the library. Heading straight to the restricted section, he set about finding the necessary book to aid in their activities.

Although the shelves were abundant in their supply of books, it was not long before Sirius had what he needed tucked securely under his arm. He made his way back to the exit with a look of smug satisfaction on his handsome face.

As he neared the doors, however, Sirius noticed something he must have overlooked on his way in.

There was a light coming from the other side of the library.

Curious as to who would be up so late, Sirius stepped quietly towards the dim light at the far side of the room.

His eyes widened in surprise when he saw who it was.

Light skin and shining hair were highlighted by the flickering light of the candles.

Remus was sat at a table, a book open in front of him.

Sirius walked closer, about to remove his cloak, but stopped short.

The candlelight was playing across the contours of Remus' face. It danced sensually over his smooth skin and when it caught his eyes, the tiny flecks of gold lit up. The boy's fingers were tracing over a picture as he read the opposite page.

Sirius had never seen such a captivating sight.

Stepping closer, and with his breath slightly hitched, he simply watched.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 5**

The following morning Sirius awoke shivering.

He opened his eyes to find James at the foot of his bed looking uncharacteristically awake. The reason for the chilliness immediately became apparent when he noticed his friend had pulled the covers off of his bed – clearly in an attempt to get him out of bed more quickly.

"C'mon Padfoot, get up—it's nearly eight!"

Sirius sat up groggily.

"Hey it's your fault we were up so late working on this…it took you _ages_ to get the book. Really mate, you ought to get to the library more." James was grinning and looked prepared to continue teasing his friend but was cut off before he had a chance.

"I told you already – I got distracted. Where's Peter?" he asked, attempting to change the subject before James could ask what could possibly have kept Sirius Black distracted for well over an hour.

"He went down to breakfast. We better hurry or we'll miss it."

Remembering what awaited them in the Great Hall, Sirius attempted to force any thoughts of Remus to the back of his mind.

As the two boys rushed down the last staircase several minutes later, Sirius could feel his excitement bubbling up at what he and his friends were about to witness.

"You know Padfoot you really were gone a long time last night. If I didn't know better I'd say you paid a little visit to someone," James said, raising his eyebrow suggestively.

Sirius smiled his arrogant smile, and turned away without making a reply. James, knowing nothing of the previous night, took that to mean his assumptions had been correct and that he'd hear all about Sirius' latest conquest later that evening.

* * *

As Remus took his seat at the Gryffindor table that morning, he immediately began reviewing his DADA homework once again. So engrossed in his latest work, he actually jumped slightly when a blonde haired boy sat down nearby him.

"Oh, hello," he said, smiling warmly. "Peter, right?"

Remus could remember Sirius' talking about his two best friends at Hogwart's but had yet to meet them.

The plump boy looked shocked at first that anyone would know his name but he quickly recovered and replied haughtily that yes in fact that was his name before promptly returning his attention to his breakfast. Clearly, he knew who his friends were and did not need to consort with younger students.

"Trust me, it's his loss," a friendly voice whispered into his ear. Remus turned to see Terry standing with his breakfast.

He smiled in response.

"Mind if I join you?"

Sliding over to make room for the other boy, the two quickly fell into a comfortable chat about one of the books Remus had loaned Terry.

Their friendly debate continued until about halfway through breakfast when Remus felt his stomach clench with a strange sense of foreboding.

A moment later James and Sirius entered the Hall grinning mischievously at the students around them.

Almost immediately, several Slytherin boys appeared behind them—all looking livid.

Severus Snape rushed to the front of the group and stalked angrily towards Sirius, his wand held high. The greasy-haired boy opened his mouth to throw what was no doubt an unkind curse towards the Gryffindors and the students watched with bated breath.

However, much to their surprise, nothing but a series of hisses came out of the boy's mouth.

Indeed, _all _the Slytherin boys appeared to be incapable of forming any words necessary to curse the two Gryffindors.

James and Sirius looked thoroughly amused.

Remus stood up and followed behind the other students who had begun to crowd around the hissing Slytherins.

Upon closer inspection, he saw that their tongues had a small slit in the middle, identical to that of a snake.

He heard Sirius whisper harshly, "You should be pleased _Snivellus_…now you aren't just a greasy, slimy, _snake_ on the inside. You're a greasy, slimy snake on the outside too."

The Great Hall was filled with laughter.

In a flash of black hair, Snape launched himself at Sirius' tall form. The pair rolled around the floor, both trying to get the upper hand.

It was not long before there was a resounding snap and Remus realized, with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, that Sirius must've broken the Slytherin's nose.

Sirius stood up, victorious, and turned searching the crowd until his eyes came to rest on Remus.

He wasn't sure why he had expected to see Remus laughing along with the other students, but he could not describe his feelings at the sight of Remus' shocked and dismayed expression.

Remus stood, his books held in a loose grip, and blinked a few times at Sirius. He looked down at the Slytherin holding his bleeding nose and making hissing noises—as if still attempting to curse Sirius, despite his inability to do so.

It looked for a moment as if Remus might go to help the boy, but he turned away after a moment and headed for what Sirius assumed was the library.

He did not look back.

Sirius could hear his heart thumping loudly in his chest.

"That's it boys," he heard James shout in the distance, "hiss for us!"

The great hall, sans the Slytherin table, erupted in laughter.

* * *

"Oh Sirius, won't you tell us how you got them to drink the potion?" This question was followed by a distinctly feminine giggle.

Sirius smiled his perfect smile in response as he looked the pretty brunette up and down.

The girl was leaning back against one of the bookcases in the library, trying her hardest not to let her intent become apparent too soon.

Following the incident that morning Sirius had had many giggling admirers attempting to pull him aside to show him how impressed they really were.

It was not until ten minutes ago that he had finally given in and decided to try to take his mind off of things—specifically that look he had received from Remus.

He merely needed to walk out of the Gryffindor common room before he was noticed by a pretty sixth year on her way to her dorm.

"I suppose I should get back," she said giggling. "After all, some of us _do_ care about whether or not we get detention."

Sirius laughed and held a finger up to his lips, indicating they should be quiet, lest they _did_ get caught being out after midnight.

He took her hand wordlessly and she trailed behind as he took her further into the darkened library.

After Sirius was satisfied that they were hidden well enough, he turned suddenly and pushed her up against one of the bookcases, brushing his lips against hers softly. She didn't object and closed her eyes as his lips moved to her neck.

It was nice, she mused – as all the other boys before Sirius had been. But it was not until she felt the sudden change in him – the tighter hold on her body, the hungry kisses covering her neck, her face, her shoulders – that she knew without a doubt Sirius Black would be the best shag she'd ever had.

Unbeknownst to the pretty Ravenclaw brunette, it was not her curvaceous body or her pretty face that sparked the sudden passion within the dark haired boy. Sirius knew she was considered attractive—curly hair, nice lips, lovely chest – but, for some reason, as soon as he had begun touching her he remembered the sight of Remus from the night before.

In a burst of excitement he suddenly imagined the smooth skin, the golden eyes, the warm voice. He stared through an opening in the books and remembered the firelight playing across Remus' skin as he sat studying.

That night, Sirius closed his eyes in shame as he continued to kiss and touch the moaning form in his arms—trying to forget who it was that he actually held.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 6**

"_Wait! Remus—your book!"_

_With his arm still in his father's grasp, Remus turned to see his black haired friend running towards them._

_Both boys smiled when their eyes met._

"_Almost forgot your book," Sirius whispered._

"_But—" Remus began._

"_A gift…for making you late," he said softly, leaning close._

_An unfamiliar feeling came over Remus as he carefully took the book and tried to keep it from getting wet._

"_Thanks." He whispered back with a smile. He playfully grasped hands with Sirius before he was once again yanked into the pouring rain._

"_I distinctly remember telling you to stay put."_

_Remus felt another rough tug on his arm and he held the book closer under his robes._

"_You don't belong among wizards, Remus."_

_The small boy felt the sting of his father's words but knew all too well that his father did not want to hear a response of any sort. Remus merely turned his gaze to the ground and continued to allow himself to be pulled down street after street._

"_Remind me, Remus. Remind me of the rules," his father said harshly as they reached the house and he shoved Remus in._

_Another moment of silence passed before he heard his father whisper in a dangerously quiet voice._

"_I'll remind you."_

Remus sprung up in bed.

With his mind still fuzzy from the dream, it took him a moment to realize where he was.

The morning sunrise was beginning to shine through the infirmary windows and onto the numerous beds aligned on either side. He touched his hand lightly to his ribs. His transformation had been especially painful the night before. Remus did not have to test for bruises to know that it had been painful though.

He always dreamt of his father after that sort of night…when Remus was at his weakest.

He remembered his father's cold eyes boring into him in the dream and shuddered.

"That was a long time ago," he whispered to himself.

Remus laid back down and closed his eyes. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he fell into another fitful sleep.

* * *

"Hang on…is that your _Potions_ essay? That's not due until after the holidays! Sirius, are you _feeling_ okay?"

"I just thought I'd get a head start on it…for a change."

James continued to stare at Sirius with a rather blank expression on his face.

"I have something good planned for when we get back…just need to get this stuff out of the way."

James blinked suspiciously at him but did not have time to further question his friend. Sirius, James and Peter had come to the Great Hall to share their last breakfast together before James and Peter caught the train home for the holidays. His two friends, who both could not understand why Sirius wanted to stay alone (unless of course there was a lady involved), had finished their food within minutes and were already anxious to head to the station.

After instructing Sirius to put his mind to better use over the break, the two boys went on their way—leaving Sirius alone with his thoughts.

In reality, he did not have anything planned for the Slytherins—not that thinking up a new prank before the holidays were up would be any sort of a challenge for him—but his sole reason for returning to the Great Hall with his essay had been to look for Remus again.

For the second day in a row the smaller boy was absent from all meals. The majority of students were leaving that day and those who weren't were getting ready for a trip to Hogsmeade. Sirius felt disappointment wash over him as it suddenly occurred to him that the other boy might have gone home early.

He reluctantly began walking towards Hogsmeade on his own, his feet mindlessly kicking snow as he went.

It had been a month since Sirius and his friends had performed their little stunt and Sirius still had yet to speak to Remus. He watched him at meals and in the common room, trying to get his attention, but the other boy rarely made eye contact with him anymore. Sirius still felt the strange sort of guilt that he'd first felt after the prank. He had been determined to talk to Remus about it over the holidays.

As he reached Hogsmeade, Sirius wandered into the first shop he saw. It was clear to any onlookers that he was not really interested in buying anything that day. He walked around distractedly for awhile before moving on to the next shop.

A few hours passed by in this manner before Sirius came to the final shop on the street and felt himself automatically turn around.

He was just beginning to resign himself to the fact that he would not be able to apologize to Remus like he'd planned when a flash of gold caught his eye and made him look up.

Remus.

And Severus Snape.

He felt his heart begin to race and he walked closer, prepared to ignore (for the time being) that Remus was standing next to the greasy Slytherin.

Sirius' excitement immediately turned to anger though when he saw what appeared to be cuts and bruises covering his friend's face. He sprinted towards the pair, his wand out and a curse at the tip of his tongue.

Without asking any questions Sirius grabbed the back of Severus' robes and shoved him in the opposite direction – _away_ from Remus.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Snape?" Sirius yelled, pointing his wand at the Slytherin.

Remus eyes widened in surprise and he quickly stepped forward, grabbing Sirius' arm.

"Sirius, this isn't necessary, Severus hasn't—"

"No need, Lupin," Snape cut in sharply. He glared at Sirius for a moment longer then—much to Sirius' surprise—simply stalked off angrily.

Sirius looked ready to follow but Remus' grip became firm and with reluctance, Sirius lowered his wand and turned to look at his smaller friend.

"Why did you stop me?"

"Severus was just answering a question for me, he's done nothing wrong."

"Then who hurt you? Whoever it is..."

"You'll curse them?" Remus asked softly.

Sirius hesitated for a moment.

"The Slytherins have tried to do worse to us, Remus."

The smaller boy sighed.

"I know, Sirius, it's just that there are other ways to…" he looked as if he wanted to go on, but shook his head instead. "Never mind. What's done is done."

Sirius hesitated.

"Are you angry with me, Remus?"

"No Sirius, I'm not angry with you."

"But you were, weren't you? You haven't spoken to me in ages."

"I've just been a little…busy lately."

Sirius wanted to ask Remus for more information but he could tell that the other boy was uncomfortable with the subject and decided to drop it.

"You're staying for the holidays then?" he asked, a little bit awkwardly.

Remus nodded his head.

Sirius felt his excitement from earlier return.

"Up for getting a drink before you head back?" he asked quickly.

Remus smiled and looked as if he would, in fact, like to when a high-pitched voice squealed from across the street.

"SIRIUS! HEY SIRIUS!"

Sirius turned to see who it was and groaned…trying to remember the waving blonde's name.

"Maybe another time," Remus said, lips twitching.

"But I don't even—" Sirius began.

"SIRIUS!" The girl was hastily making her way across the street.

Remus laughed softly. "See you back at the common room…?"

Despite his annoyance at being interrupted, Sirius couldn't help but smile at the sight of Remus laughing.

"Yeah, see you."


	7. Chapter 7

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 7**

The holidays passed by in a blur.

It felt like mere days before Remus was once again trekking across the school grounds at sunset.

The long wait in the desolate rooms of the Shrieking Shack was rather uneventful that evening—not that that wasn't normal, but it usually left Remus with little else to do but lose himself in his thoughts.

Remus sighed as he sat on the bottom step leading up to the shack's only bedroom. His muscles were weak. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back.

The image of Sirius at the quidditch practice that morning flashed through his mind—the black haired boy was so carefree and relaxed.

Remus could not explain why he had begun to avoid the older boy since Christmas. If Sirius only knew where he escaped to every month…

He felt his heart constrict. He could not risk him finding out.

At least he had Terry. The Ravenclaw boy _never_ questioned Remus about his short absences.

Remus stood and moved silently to the window. It was boarded up and secure but a streak of light burst through between two of the boards. Remus bent to peer through the opening and looked up to the sky to see the source of the light.

The moon.

Remus stared at it, his hands clenched tightly by his sides.

"Let me go," he whispered.

The moon's blinding light shined back insistently in response.

It was not long before the sound of pained howls filled the lonely house.

* * *

"Oh Sirius, I _knew_ there was something between us. They said not to expect anything from you but I told them there was no way you could ignore the connection we have."

The attractive sixth years sitting across from one another were just two of the many students crowded into the Three Broomsticks that evening. It was the last night before classes began again and every student felt the need to celebrate it by drinking far more than they ever had before.

Currently, though she didn't seem to notice, the blonde's dark-haired date was not paying much attention to her. Sirius was far too busy glaring at a group of Ravenclaws that were chatting animatedly across the street.

They were all far too sober to be any fun.

It took several minutes of imagining what exactly he'd like to do to a certain one of them before the handsome Gryffindor was able to force himself to stop staring across the street.

He needed to focus on his date. She _was_ pretty after all; there was no doubt about that. Her feminine curves and pretty face certainly did not go unnoticed by the other male occupants in the room.

_That's not why you took her out though_…

Sirius frowned at the thought.

Ever since Remus had come to Hogwarts, Sirius found himself dating far more girls than he had in the past and it wasn't merely for sport anymore.

He _needed_ to touch smooth skin…feel a warm body under his. He remembered that late night in the library; the candlelight playing across the handsome face, those golden eyes…

"Remus."

Sirius' head snapped up.

"What?" he asked sharply.

The girl rolled her eyes. "I said," she sighed. "That you're friends with that new boy Remus. Aren't you?"

Sirius leaned back in his seat and took another mouthful of his drink—vainly attempting to clear the thoughts that plagued his mind.

He had had too much firewhiskey.

"Yeah," he replied distractedly. "We know each other."

"I thought so. Paige said she's seen you two talking a few times. She practically _begged_ me to get you to promise to talk to Remus for her. I wasn't going to at first but the more I think about it the more perfect they seem for each other. The four of us can all go to that study session on Friday. Oh, and tell him to bring his Ravenclaw friend— you know, Terry Shane—he's kinda cute. I'm sure one of the other girls will be wanting a date."

Sirius felt his stomach twist.

"I don't think Paige is his type."

The blonde laughed loudly. "Of course she is. She's _gorgeous_. And if he doesn't already want her, then he will when he finds out _she_ wants _him_."

Sirius felt something inside of him begin to ache.

The thought of some girl brushing up against Remus, touching his skin, kissing his lips.

_Remus' smooth, perfect lips._

Sirius stood up suddenly, almost knocking his drink over in the process. The blonde looked up at him in surprise.

"Let's get out of here," Sirius whispered—his voice huskier than he intended.

She finished the last sip of her drink and stood up, her eyes sparkling. "Something in particular you want to do, Mr. Black?"

Sirius felt himself nod in response as the two found their way out of the crowded bar.

When they reached the dimly lit entrance, Sirius eyes were immediately drawn to the moon. It was full and bright tonight. He stared at it, entranced. He did not understand why but at once he was overcome by a feeling of desire. He turned to his pretty date, his eyes suddenly hungry.

She smiled at him.

"Back to your room?"

Sirius' eyes scanned the distance quickly until they landed on the field not far from where they were. He shook his head.

"The field. It's closer."

The girl's mouth opened slightly in surprise. She knew of Sirius' reputation for charming the girls into bed…She hadn't yet heard of him charming them into a field.

She'd be his first then.

Smiling coyly in response, she allowed him to lead her to the edge of Hogsmeade. She studied his expression for a moment as they walked—wondering why it felt as if he was looking past her. Was he imagining something—some_one_—else? She caught sight of her flawless reflection in one of the darkening shop windows and shook her head. _Impossible_.

When they reached the field it was only seconds before she was on the ground with Sirius on top of her. She moaned as he hungrily kissed her neck—one of his hands quickly finding its way under her shirt.

His other hand was travelling up the length of her thigh when Sirius stopped to look down at her for a moment.

_Weren't her eyes green a moment ago?_

The alcohol must be making his mind fuzzy because her features were suddenly changing. Her bright blonde hair had darkened; her wide, flashy smile turned to a warm, sweet one; her green eyes turned golden, shining under the light of the moon. Sirius felt the desire in him grow as he looked down—no longer seeing the girl he had brought with him.

No. It was Remus under him.

And Sirius' hands were suddenly gentler.

"No one deserves you," he breathed. "Not even me."

But as he leaned down for another kiss Sirius saw something move in the shadows—darkening the space where the moonlight shined in the distance.

"Did you see that?" he whispered.

"Hm?" the girl asked, eyes still closed. "Whatever it was it doesn't matter, Sirius."

But when Sirius continued to stare into the darkness towards the Shrieking Shack, she reached up and touched his chest impatiently.

"Don't stop," she pouted.

Sirius looked down at her once more.

The golden eyes had turned green again.

He frowned and looked away from her.

He felt strangely drawn towards something in the distance.

"Up at the shack," he whispered. "I think I saw something move in there."

"Oh Sirius," she laughed. "You don't actually believe it's haunted?"

"No." He stood, not taking his eyes off of the shack. "I don't."

Ignoring her protests, Sirius walked cautiously past the fence to the Shrieking Shack. He _had_ seen something—he was sure of it, and now he felt as if something was pulling him closer to the house, urging him to discover what was hiding within the shadows of the dilapidated house.

When he reached one of the boarded up windows, he bent down and peered through a crack in the wood. His eyes scanned the room left to right—seeing only darkness and a set of stairs illuminated by the moonlight.

Sirius was about to stand and move around to the other side of the house for a better look when he heard a soft thud from within.

He blinked once, twice, and two large golden eyes appeared in front of him.

Sirius fell back in surprise, his heart speeding up.

After a moment the eyes were replaced by a wet nose and Sirius could almost hear it sniffing him out—trying to figure out who he was.

Before Sirius could reach a hand out for the creature to sniff, it had launched itself at the boards where he was.

Sirius stood up quickly, backing away in surprise. He heard the creature launch itself at the wall once more followed by a whimper—_had it hurt itself?_

Sirius squinted and saw the creature shake its head before focusing upon him again—ready to attack.

Sirius backed up further and further until the creature ceased its assault on the wall separating the two of them.

There were no words that came to Sirius' mind.

He could not hear his date's frustrated calls for him to return.

He found, in fact, that he could not hear anything at all.

He could not even move.

He recognized those eyes.

He felt his mind get fuzzier. Perhaps he should not have had so much to drink. He began to feel more and more light-headed.

_Sweet Merlin, he was going to pass out._

As Sirius fell to the ground he saw the owner of those eyes still staring at him through the cracks in the boards.

"Remus," he breathed.

Even in the distance he could see that the creature had turned its head to the side as it watched him.

"I won't tell."


	8. Chapter 8

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 8**

The pain in his head was unrelenting.

The dark-haired boy groaned as he came to—the cold, hard wood beneath him making him cringe as he turned onto his back.

Where _was_ he?

His mind was too fuzzy to remember much of the previous evening. He closed his eyes and remained on the floor—unwilling to move his throbbing head any more.

As the minutes ticked by he drifted off into a half-conscious state. The events of the night began slowing coming back to him bit by bit.

He remembered staring at his own reflection in the mirror—unsure why it mattered that he looked particularly good that night; he remembered his pretty date waiting for him—the brazen look of desire in her eyes; the long, windy walk to Hogsmeade as she prattled on about her petty, insignificant problems; he remembered the first few drinks that helped him to forget her voice—and the dozen that followed; he remembered looking into her eyes and imagining she was someone else...

The gray eyes flew open.

The boy sat up and immediately had to suppress the urge to lie down again. He pressed a hand to his head in an attempt to alleviate the pain and, barely recognizing that he was back in the boys' dorms, he stood and took off running towards the only place he imagined Remus could be.

_It couldn't be true, could it?_

No. Surely he had had too much Fire whiskey.

Not to mention he saw Remus in almost everything if he gazed at it long enough.

Sirius remembered how he had looked down into his date's green eyes, imagining. For a moment, he had _actually_ thought it was Remus he was kissing.

It seemed like ages before he arrived outside the doors to the hospital wing.

Sirius swallowed hard.

_Would Remus be all bruised and cut – his smooth skin marred by the anger of the animal? Would he be angry with Sirius or would he be relieved that he had someone to share his secret with?_

Sirius felt his heart speed up and, bracing himself, pushed the heavy door open.

His eyes searched the room quickly, a look of confusion coming to his face.

All of the beds were empty.

The early morning sun was shining brightly through the tall windows.

Sirius frowned.

_Had it been a dream?_

Surely there must be a back room or somewhere where Remus was allowed to recover away from the other students and their inquisitive eyes. A quick search of the back area of the hospital wing revealed a few such rooms but all of them were empty as well.

The dark-haired boy backed out of the infirmary and began walking slowly back to the Gryffindor tower.

Running a hand over his face, he tried to remember what had actually happened. Despite the haziness of most of the evening's memories, standing outside the Shrieking Shack was surprisingly fresh in his mind. He was sure of what he had seen.

"I forgive you."

He had been too immersed in his thoughts to notice the sound of footsteps approaching him from behind.

He didn't respond but continued his trek back towards his bed in silence—and at a slightly faster pace.

"I said I forgive you, Sirius."

The high-pitched whine was not doing much to help his head.

"Sirius!"

"Shh!" he replied, not even bothering to turn his head.

"I forgive you for leaving me all by myself in the middle of the night and then having the nerve to _pass out_ outside the Shrieking Shack."

He had turned his head before he could stop himself. An angry look was etched on her face but when Sirius showed no signs of stopping she seemed to realize that she wasn't going to get an apology and moved on to the next topic.

"You look awful, Sirius."

Her opinion on his appearance was more detailed than that but Sirius had stopped listening after those first four words—choosing instead to focus his thoughts on the previous evening once more.

Just as he was about to enter the Gyffindor common room her hand on his arm stopped him.

"I could join you," she offered, her lips pouting ever so slightly. "Help make you feel better."

Sirius sighed and shook his head. He couldn't explain why but he found it difficult to even look at her. "Not now."

"Alright, fine," she replied, letting go of his arm and giving off an air of nonchalance.

He turned to go.

"Oh, Sirius?"

With his hand on the open portrait, he waited. He felt the very small amount of patience he had left in him quickly disappearing.

"I spoke to Terry earlier. He and Remus are coming to the study group on Friday. See if you can't get Remus to show some interest in Paige."

He paused for a moment, his back still to the blonde, before stepping inside and slamming the portrait shut behind him.

* * *

It was quite a few days before Sirius recovered from his rough night out. When Friday finally rolled around, his head was much better but the ache of wonder still lay in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't seen more than a few quick glimpses of Remus that week and the thought of the evening's study session had left him feeling extremely anxious.

He once again stood staring at his reflection in the mirror. His face looked tired and his hair was matted and unclean. He had just under an hour to get washed up, dressed, and down to the library.

Stepping into the shower he tried to forget the confusion and uncertainty he felt.

_Why wasn't he afraid of Remus? How come the thought of telling someone hadn't even crossed his mind?_

Yet, even though his mind asked the questions, he knew the answers.

He dipped his head under the falling water.

He needed to stop thinking about it. To relax. To _do_ something.

The image of golden eyes flashed into his mind unbidden and he felt the sudden, ridiculous urge to reach down...

He shut the water off quickly.


	9. Chapter 9

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 9**

They were gathered around a large rectangular table in a room just outside the library.

Despite the jovial atmosphere and the wide array of house colors— Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, and Gryffindors had all turned up—Sirius could not help letting out an exasperated sigh.

Terry and Paige were seated next to Remus at the far end of the table, talking and laughing. Sirius was at the opposite end with Azalia and several of her Ravenclaw friends that he only vaguely recognized.

At the start of the session, the group had decided to arrange themselves in such a way that various topics—particularly those related to one's year— could be discussed productively. As he was older than Remus, Sirius was forced to take a seat amongst the other sixth years— in between the pretty blonde and a nerdy Ravenclaw boy who kept staring at him for extended periods of time.

So far, his side of the table had covered the week's reading for Potions, the Transfiguration essay due at the end of the following week and the sixth year Charms homework.

It felt like it had been hours.

It wasn't as if Sirius needed to be at the study session in the first place anyway. He and James were at the top of every class—a fact that James had casually reminded him of before he left that evening.

The dark haired boy glanced up at the sound of giggling.

Paige had been reading something over Remus' shoulder for the past ten minutes. He couldn't hear what they were talking about over the chatter of all the students between them but that didn't stop him from straining his ears to hear. No, Paige definitely wasn't Remus' type…Sirius was sure of that. She giggled too much. Even Remus' Ravenclaw friend appeared to be annoyed by the girl's presence.

Merlin, this was a long time to be doing nothing but studying.

Sirius continued to sulk, rolling one of the girls' muggle pens back and forth on the table in front of him. No one seemed to mind that he had ceased all involvement in their discussions on homework assignments and current Potions projects.

A hand on his thigh reminded him why he generally avoided coming to these things. He looked at his "date" and noticed that she too was observing Remus and the giggling brunette.

"They're _perfect_ together, aren't they?"

Sirius scowled. "Bloody adorable."

He hadn't even tried to keep the sarcasm out of his voice but the blonde had already turned away to whisper to one of the other girls, and didn't appear to have noticed.

Sirius, though he was quite impartial to the blonde, noted that this wasn't so much a time for her to study, as it was a time for her to gossip and socialize with a larger group of people than normal.

It was another long, dull forty-five minutes before one of the Ravenclaw fifth years finally let out a loud yawn—causing many others to do so as well—and the majority of the students began packing up their books and heading back to their common rooms.

Sirius sat up a little bit straighter in his chair and looked across the table again.

Remus, Terry, and Paige remained huddled around a book, talking quietly. With only a few of them left, Azalia urged Sirius and the remaining girls to shuffle a few seats closer to the trio.

"And what are you three up to?" she asked, leaning across the table—showing much more cleavage than was necessary in the process—and trying to see what they were reading.

Remus looked up with a warm smile on his face. "I'm afraid I'm boring these two with my thoughts on the Goblin Rebellions of 1634."

Terry instantly nudged the smaller boy playfully with his elbow. "You know you couldn't bore anyone if you tried, Rem."

_Rem?_ Now that Terry's chair was within reach, Sirius wondered if he could get away with kicking it and knocking the other boy over. Anything to wipe the Ravenclaw's _stupid_ grin off his—

"Hey, after this shall we go for some late night quidditch practice, Rem? You can try out that new permanent sticking charm so you stay on this time."

Sirius' eyes narrowed.

Remus laughed softly before shaking his head in regret. "Alas, I don't even think permanently fastening me to a broom will help to improve my abominable flying skills."

Paige laughed and grasped Remus' forearm eagerly. "A wizard who isn't obsessed with quidditch? Remus Lupin, you really _are_ perfect."

Remus smiled and shook his head slightly.

Sirius could see a faint blush had tinged his cheeks.

Grinning, Terry put his arm around Remus and turned to the sixth years.

"We just have a few things left to go over if you guys want to get going…I'm sure this has been one of the longest evenings of your life, Black," he said, laughing.

Sirius felt his annoyance rise and it didn't help that now _two_ people were touching Remus.

"As a matter of fact, I'd love to stay and help you with your homework, Terry," he answered, snatching the book that lay open in front of the boy.

"Let's see. What is it that you're having trouble with? Oh, giants, eh?" he questioned. "I must say giants are quite an interesting people. Six hundred and fifty-two tribes of them. Admittedly violent, but to be fair who doesn't get the urge to beat someone to a bloody pulp every once in awhile, right? Have you read about Brudgon the Great yet? I wrote an essay on him in my second year. Big guy. Nearly thirty feet tall. All the giants in his tribe didn't even bother trying to fight him. He could knock 'em down with a single punch—and let me tell you, that is quite a feat. Befriended a witch when he was young; killed anyone who so much as looked at her. She went away eventually; ended up becoming good friends with some bloke from Russia. Old Brudgon found out though. Stomped on the guy a good fifty times. I suppose no one told him once was enough. Sounds like quite a brute, I know, but can you really blame him? Besides, giants are completely misunderstood if you ask me. They're not the only ones though, I suppose."

Terry raised an eyebrow at him. Azalia snorted. And Remus … Remus just stared at him with those big, golden eyes.

Sirius had the desperate urge to shove Terry and Paige away from Remus and take him somewhere, _anywhere_, away from there.

He wanted to tell Remus that he knew his secret; that he could be a better friend than either of the others could ever hope to be; that he would protect him. But it was such a foreign thing to _feel_ so much at once that Sirius simply didn't know what to do.

When he felt Azalia's small, feminine hand on his thigh again, quickly travelling to somewhere he, for some reason, no longer wanted it to be, he jumped up quickly.

He had to get out of there before he said something he would regret.

With a quick glance at Remus, he grabbed his stuff and all but ran from the room.


	10. Chapter 10

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 10**

Sirius was not sure how long he had been lying by the fire in the common room.

He felt tired and angry—a combination that his roommates, for some reason, did not appreciate. After storming into their dorm and violently throwing his books to the floor, Sirius had turned to find Peter sitting up in his bed with a surprised and slightly fearful expression on his face. He continued to stare at the black-haired boy for several moments before timidly asking if he had done something to upset him.

Annoyed at the question and unable to shake the feeling that he had been overreacting all night, Sirius let out a frustrated growl and left; slamming the door behind him.

He was glad that James wasn't around.

He didn't know if he would be able to explain what put him in such a foul mood without sounding ridiculous.

But it _was_ ridiculous, wasn't it? Why did it matter so much when someone else watched Remus? Or talked to him? Or touched him? Plenty of people hung off of James on a daily basis and Sirius hardly gave it a second thought.

The image of Remus studying by candlelight flashed into his mind unbidden and he felt his heart rate increase.

The difference was that James was nothing like Remus.

He wasn't shy or quiet or vulnerable.

He wasn't hiding a terrible secret behind golden eyes and a warm smile.

Yet maybe Remus was fine alone. Maybe he really didn't need Sirius to tell him that he knew his secret—that he wasn't afraid of him.

Sirius _wanted_ him to know though.

He wanted to protect the younger boy and prove to him that we was worthy of his trust. He wanted Remus to come to _him _if he needed someone to confide in.

He wanted Remus to know that he was better than Terry.

In fact, he couldn't remember wanting anything so fiercely in his life.

His thoughts returned suddenly to the study session. _Would Remus be angry at him? Would he start avoiding him again? Would he go weeks without speaking to him?_ The thought made Sirius feel slightly sick to his stomach and he rolled over on his side to face the fire.

The warmth did nothing to soothe him.

He continued to lay there until the sound of someone opening the portrait startled him, and he sat up quickly. Even with so little light from the dying embers of the fire Sirius could see who it was.

Not trusting his voice, he remained silent—staring into the eyes that rarely left his thoughts.

Remus walked quietly and gracefully into the room until he was a few feet away from Sirius' lounging form. He looked neither surprised nor upset to see the older boy; but when he took a deep breath Sirius got the impression he was trying to calm himself.

_Did that mean Remus _was _angry with him?_

"Interesting speech," Remus said finally. "Did Brudgon really step on the guy fifty times?"

Sirius thought to himself that, had he not studied Remus so much lately, he would have believed the other boy to be simply curious.

However, Sirius had spent too much time watching Remus to _not_ notice the straight back and the slight tremble in the smaller boy's hands.

He stood up and took a step closer to the smaller boy before answering—noting in the back of his mind the comfort he felt at having Remus within reach.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Apparently good boots go a long way."

The corner of Remus' mouth twitched.

"So…did you go flying with Terry?" He tried to sound casual but the jealousy he felt at the idea was so strong he was sure it must have come through in his words.

Remus shook his head and laughed shakily.

"I wasn't joking when I said I can't fly. I don't want to think what would happen if I tried it at night."

Sirius felt himself smile, unable to stop his eyes from travelling down to watch Remus' lips quirk up as well. His lips looked soft.

"You ok, Sirius?"

The black-haired boy forced himself to meet the other boy's eyes, worrying he had been caught. But Remus' was staring at the fire, the gold flecks in his eyes sparkling.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he paused. "Not used to so much studying."

Remus smiled again and looked up into his eyes.

Sirius had the feeling Remus was studying him, looking for something. He wondered if his eyes betrayed what he knew. He was never good at hiding things from his friends.

When Remus finally looked away, Sirius couldn't help feeling nervous.

_What had Remus seen?_

"Well, I suppose I better get to bed. Early start."

He gave the dark-haired boy one last smile and turned to go. "Goodnight Sirius."

Sirius hesitated a moment before reaching out and gently taking hold of Remus' arm.

"Remus, I— "

_I what? I know your secret? I want to help? I don't want you to go?_

All of those were true but he couldn't help thinking how odd they would sound spoken aloud in the middle of the common room.

Remus was staring at him expectantly. Waiting.

Sirius thought he could feel the boy's arm shaking in his light grip but Remus' face betrayed nothing.

He tried to speak but no sound came out and he could feel his heart speeding up as it had earlier. Remus' perfect eyes…

Sirius lost track of how long they stood staring at each other. He thought he saw several emotions flit across the other boy's face. Guilt? Regret? Fear?

There was no doubt in his mind that Remus _knew_ he had figured out his secret.

Sirius leaned in suddenly, not sure what he intended to do, but wanting to get closer.

The sudden movement startled Remus and he took a few quick steps back—hitting his shoulder on the wall near the staircase in the process—and let out a strangely familiar whimper before pressing a hand to his shoulder.

Sirius stepped toward him with a concerned look on his face but, mumbling a soft goodnight, the smaller boy turned quickly and rushed up the stairs.

The black-haired boy immediately felt a pang of loss as the other boy left the room.

The fire had died out completely and the only light left came from the moon.

He knew he should go to bed and leave Remus alone.

He knew he should think things over himself and try to get a good night's sleep.

He knew he should do these things but he found that he just couldn't. He felt unsettled. He hadn't said what he needed to and he would not be able to relax, much less sleep, until he did.

Feeling reckless and impatient, Sirius followed Remus upstairs – stopping outside the door to the fifth year dormitory. The others would be asleep by now.

He waited another moment before pushing the door open quietly and walking in.

Sure enough, the room was bathed in darkness. The only light he could see came from under the bathroom door. He crossed the room in an instant and held his breath.

_Too late to turn back._

He opened the door just enough so he could slip in without lighting up any part of the dorm that might cause one of the other boys to wake – and didn't look up until he had closed the door silently behind him.

The sight he was met with was both disturbing and breathtaking. He inhaled sharply before he could stop himself.

Remus had taken his shirt off and was leaning over the sink splashing water on his face. The pale, smooth skin on his back was littered with hundreds of scars of all different sizes. There were at least a dozen new cuts across his back and arms; and the reason for Remus' earlier whimper of pain instantly became clear.

He felt compelled to step closer.

He saw Remus' back stiffen as he approached, but the boy merely turned the tap off and lifted his eyes to meet Sirius' gaze in the mirror.

Unable to stop himself, Sirius reached a hand out and lightly ran his fingertips over the soft skin.

"Sirius..."

Remus was staring intently at Sirius in the mirror.

"Are these from all the times you tried to fly, Remus?"

Remus' eyes continued to study him in the mirror, frowning slightly.

"It's dangerous," Remus said softly.

Sirius stared at the scars under his fingertips before looking back into Remus' eyes.

"I know."

Remus' skin looked so enticing in the light.

When Sirius found he couldn't stare into the golden eyes any longer, he leaned forward to rest his head against the chilled skin. He couldn't remember feeling so peaceful—like he had been working for hours and finally, _finally_ he got to rest. He brought his hand up to trace some of the scars on the smaller boy's back.

To his surprise, Remus didn't stop him.


	11. Chapter 11

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 11**

"_It's dangerous," he said softly._

"_I know."_

Remus could not will his body to sleep.

The skin on his back tingled.

Sirius had left the fifth year dormitory hours ago—leaving nothing behind but the lingering touch of his rough hands and words that Remus' mind refused to stop replaying over and over again.

He had known something was wrong since he first felt the raven-haired boy's gaze on him earlier that evening. Terry and Paige had effectively distracted him for most of the study session with a range of questions pertaining to their Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Charms homework; but by the end of the night he found he was having a hard time trying to continue avoiding Sirius' piercing gray eyes.

"_Giants are completely misunderstood if you ask me. They're not the only ones though, I suppose."_

The trepidation and fear he had felt as he walked back to the common room was dizzying. He knew the black haired boy would be there. He felt sure _something_ would happen when he got back.

He had no idea how the sixth year would have found out his secret...or more importantly, how he had managed to keep the look of disgust off of his face for the whole evening.

"_Remus, I—"_

He'd stood outside the portrait for several minutes trying to imagine the look of revulsion that he would inevitably find on Sirius' face. The closest thing to that that he could conjure in his mind was the look Sirius had often bestowed upon Severus Snape—a look of pure loathing. Remus had felt a painful tightening in his chest at the thought of Sirius looking at him with that expression on his handsome face.

"_Are these from all the times you tried to fly, Remus?"_

He would have smiled at that had the situation not been so serious.

Why wasn't Sirius afraid of him?

The question was at the forefront of his mind as he struggled to remember Sirius' expression in the mirror.

Sirius had not asked anything of him—he hadn't wanted details, or an explanation, or a plea for silence.

He had simply tried to offer comfort.

He had touched Remus' hideous scars with his warm, rough hands and rested his head tiredly on Remus' back. There was shock, concern, and sadness in his expression…but no fear. Before that, in the common room, Sirius had been anxious, nervous even, but not afraid.

Remus let out a shaky breath, trying to ease the tension in his sore muscles.

He wasn't dreaming.

He wasn't expelled.

He wasn't alone.

Sirius knew his secret and still wanted to be his friend.

Sirius had touched him with no signs of disgust in his expression.

Remus sat up slowly and leaned over the foot of his bed—reaching to open his trunk as quietly as he could. His hand rummaged beneath his neatly arranged clothing and books and, after only a few moments of fumbling, closed gently around his most precious possession.

He sat back on his bed and laid the bundle in front of him as he had on many occasions.

Carefully removing the old robe he used to cover and protect it, he pulled out the worn leather book and stared down at it.

The cover was shabby and fading—the perfection of it long gone. He wished it had not taken him so much time to realize the affect his carrying it around with him everywhere would have on the precious pages.

He traced his fingertips over it—unconsciously imitating the way Sirius had traced over the scars on his back.

Material possessions had never been very important to Remus—the most valuable things he could think of could not be bought with money.

But this…this meant so much to him. Every page was ingrained into his memory. He remembered the first time he had seen Sirius—tall and handsome with his shining black hair tied back. How easily he could have passed as royalty in Remus' eyes.

Sirius might not be a king but Remus knew, without a doubt, that Sirius could have cruelly spat out his secret and hexed him in front of the entire school, and no one would have thought any less of the black-haired boy. The list of things Sirius could have done to hurt Remus was endless.

The fact that someone would choose to offer comfort and friendship instead of pain and hatred in response to his secret was unimaginable a few hours ago.

Remus laid back down, clutching the book to his chest.

He could almost hear Sirius' deep, soothing voice whispering to him in the dark.

"_I know."_

And the thought no longer scared him.

* * *

As Remus approached the Great Hall the following afternoon, he was sure he could hear Sirius' loud, boisterous laughter over the dozens of chattering students.

Naturally an early riser, it was very unlike Remus to sleep in so late—something that several students had apparently noticed as he made his way to the Gryffindor table. However, the extra sleep had left him feeling energized and refreshed and he could not help the small smile that settled on his face in response to the questioning stares.

Taking a seat a few places down from a group of rowdy seventh years, Remus felt any last remnants of doubt disappear in an instant.

Sirius was sitting next to his bespectacled friend, laughing and joking as if nothing had changed.

The sight made Remus smile even wider.

"And here I thought you couldn't get any cuter."

Remus jumped at the voice in his ear.

"Paige," he turned to greet the pretty brunette. "Good morning."

"Afternoon, Remus," she corrected, taking a seat next to him. "Let me guess…you haven't been awake long?"

"What gave me away?" he asked with a laugh.

She giggled and reached a hand up to comb her fingers through his hair. "Your hair's all messy."

He had been so excited to get down to the Great Hall that he'd forgotten to check his appearance in the mirror. He felt himself blush slightly.

"If you were anyone else, I would think you'd been up to something slightly," she leaned in closer, "_naughtier_…than sleeping."

His blush deepened and he looked up to find Sirius staring closely at him—all traces of laughter gone.

"I know _I_ was doing something naughtier than sleeping," she continued. "Do you want to know what it was, Remus?"

He turned away from the gray eyes and willed his mouth to respond.

"Now, now, Paige…no whispering."

Remus head snapped up at the sound of the familiar voice.

He was sure Sirius had been further down the table only a moment ago.

"What are you two talking about?"

The sixth year spoke with the usual charming, casual tone he reserved for those of the fairer sex, but Remus thought he could detect a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Oh, we were just discussing where Remus has been all morning." She raised her hand to comb her fingers through his hair again, her other hand fiddling with the sleeve of his robe.

Sirius' eyes flashed.

"It's good to know he doesn't mind coming in late every once in awhile…you never know what might-Oh!" she gasped. "Remus—what happened to your arm?"

He looked down to where she had pulled his sleeve up to his elbow—there was a long, jagged scar on his otherwise smooth forearm.

"Just a little accident when I was young," he said, smoothly pulling his sleeve down to cover the mark. He glanced up in time to see Sirius staring at his now covered skin with a frown on his face.

"Oh don't cover it up," the girl pouted. "I like it."

Remus tried to smile his thanks to the pretty girl but found it rather difficult. _He_ certainly didn't like his scars and when he looked up in time to see Sirius' quickly retreating back exiting the Great Hall, he realized he wasn't the only one.

He felt a twinge of shame at the thought and had to fight down the urge to chase after Sirius – to try to convince his black-haired friend that most scars fade over time.


	12. Chapter 12

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 12**

No. It just wasn't right.

The hair was too long; the hips were too wide; the moans were terribly high-pitched and distracting. And the skin...well the skin was just too damn _hot_ against his forehead.

Merlin only knew why her green eyes wouldn't change color this time.

The dark-haired boy looked down at the blonde's back once more and stifled a groan of frustration.

For the fourth time that week he found himself in the second floor boys' bathroom with a very much naked blonde bent over one of the porcelain sinks.

Ever since seeing Remus half-naked and scarred in the dim bathroom light, it was like the switch that had been flickering on and off inside of him for months was suddenly and irreversibly shut off. No one but the shy, friendly werewolf could spark any hint of fire within him. Each encounter with Azalia was making it more and more difficult for him to forget that he wasn't _actually_ touching Remus – no matter how good his imagination was at making him think otherwise.

Sirius found he had rearranged his entire daily routine since that night with Remus. Within a matter of days, he had been waking up hours before he normally would have; needing books from the library on the evenings he _knew_ Remus would be there studying; suddenly starving when the fifth years had their lunch break between charms and potions.

The latest brief encounter with Remus was what had caused him to skip out on James and Peter's little excursion to the dungeon that evening.

He'd needed some sort of release.

But now, as he glared at the tan, smooth, _curvy_ back in front of him, he knew that even his trusty imagination wouldn't hold out much longer.

He thrust forward into the blonde and turned his head away from the mirror in front of them. He didn't want to look at the girl's green eyes, heavy-lidded in lust; or his own gray-eyed gaze staring back at him accusingly.

He wanted to get this over with.

Remus had been laughing at dinner that evening.

His warm, honey-toned voice had travelled past the few students sitting between them and sent an almost imperceptible shiver down Sirius' spine. The sight of the golden eyes, downcast as he spoke, caused a rush of affection to course through Sirius.

When Remus combed his fingers nervously through his hair – it was as if he _knew_ Sirius was watching him and was unsure how to react to receiving such attention. It only made Sirius want to watch him more.

But the laugh, _his_ laugh was Sirius' undoing.

He had bolted from the Great Hall – _again –_ and sought out the blonde for what must have been their fiftieth round of desperate, frenzied sex in just under a month.

Her whining voice brought him back to the present.

"Don't be a tease, Sirius. _Move._"

Trying to start over with a renewed sense of focus, he ignored her strong perfume and strangled noises as he gripped her hips and thrust forward once more.

Remus would be on his way to the study group by now; his eyes wide and bright at the prospect of more books.

The thought made Sirius smile.

He leaned forward again to rest his head on the girl's back, as he had with Remus, and silently pleaded with his imagination for one more vision.

_There_.

He could almost feel the cool skin beneath him again; the scars appearing on the flawless back one by one. He placed sweet, chaste kisses where he imagined each one of them to be and sighed.

His eyes fell shut.

Sirius knew then that he would have given anything to feel the smooth hands on him; to feel his kisses being returned. He could feel it building up inside of him and no longer heard the girl's moans – his own groans of pleasure drowning them out.

The familiar ache returned to his stomach. He was close.

"Remus," he whispered the boy's name softly against her back, unable to stop himself. His voice could not have been heard over the girl's moans anyway.

The door behind them flew open.

"Good god, Black! Was there no other place free but the boys' bathroom?"

He lifted his head sharply at the exasperated voice and glared into the mirror at the dark-haired Hufflepuff prefect standing in the doorway.

Had it really been necessary to shout? Surely all of Gryffindor tower had heard that.

The sound of more footsteps quickly approaching confirmed his thoughts.

He stepped back quickly from the girl and straightened his clothes, a frustrated scowl gracing his handsome features.

He had been so close.

Within seconds, several figures had appeared in the doorway behind the prefect. Most of them looked like third and fourth year boys, anxious to catch a glimpse of something they'd only ever heard about. Scanning their faces quickly, his heart sped up at the sight of brown hair and golden eyes.

A concerned looking Remus stood towards the back of the group, a faint frown line between his eyes.

He looked disappointed. That was the only way Sirius could think to describe the expression on Remus' face right then.

Although Sirius was clothed (and the blonde had pulled her robe on quickly to cover herself) it was clear what they had been doing.

"Surely you could have found a better place than here?" the prefect asked again, now looking slightly amused.

Sirius shrugged, unable to take his eyes away from Remus.

With a shake of his head, the prefect left – clearly under the impression that any attempt to discipline the dark-haired boy would be futile. Without much to look at, the crowd started to clear off as well, talking amongst themselves in disappointed whispers as they went.

Remus, too, only stood for a moment longer, a blush staining his cheeks, before he was gone.

Sirius heart clenched.

"Well! That's the first time we've been caught in _ages_ and we didn't even get a detention," the blonde pointed out with a smile. "And ha! Poor Remus. Did you see how red his face was? He must be a virgin. Wait until the girls hear!"

Sirius turned to face the blonde, the glare returning to his face.

"'_The girls'_ don't need to know anything about it," he spat.

Without another look at the shocked girl, he grabbed his cloak from the floor and stormed out.

He needed to find Remus.

* * *

It had been a long week.

Between the never-ending list of assignments; the recurring dreams that now plagued his sleep; and a foreboding letter from his aunt the day before, it felt like the upcoming Hogsmeade weekend – promising chocolate, butterbeer, and books – would never come.

To top it all off, he had just walked in on Sirius, sweaty and disheveled, finishing up with one of his girls.

He would have liked to get some fresh air but he knew he should at least make a start on his homework and so, with flushed cheeks, he found himself walking along one of the many aisles in the library.

Fingers grazing the titles distractedly, Remus didn't pay any mind to the people walking past until one set of footsteps stopped directly behind him.

"Remus," a voice breathed on his neck.

He dropped his hand back down to his side and slowly turned to face the owner of the voice.

Sirius, with still-tousled hair and a half-buttoned shirt on, was staring down at him with what looked like regret in his eyes. He studied Remus' face intently for several moments.

"I'm sorry," he said abruptly.

Remus frowned.

"What for?"

The dark haired boy looked deep in thought. "I don't know. I just didn't want you to see – I don't even really like her – I just... I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

"Oh."

Remus' eyes flicked down to the other boy's parted lips.

_Was there more he wanted to say?_

"You don't need to be sorry, Sirius. I shouldn't have gone there. I just heard Williams shout your name and I thought something...might have been wrong."

Sirius let out a breath and gave him a small smile.

"So you were going to rescue me, were you?"

Remus hoped he wasn't blushing.

He could feel Sirius' intense gaze on him again and nervously reached his hand up to his hair, turning away from the gray eyes.

Sirius stepped even closer then, their faces inches apart.

"Don't look away, Remus," he whispered.

Remus looked back at him instantly, surprised at the desperate tone in Sirius' voice.

"Merlin Remus, if you only knew..." the taller boy continued, leaning in a fraction closer.

Remus opened his mouth on a question but before he could ask anything, Sirius raised a hand up to touch his face.

"Remus, I –"

But before the sixth year could get any closer, the smell of perfume, strong and wholly feminine, assaulted Remus' senses and he jerked his head back quickly - hitting it hard against one of the shelves behind him.

"Ouch!"

Sirius immediately dropped his hand and stepped back, looking apologetic.

"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah, fine. I just – the smell – it's a bit – erm – strong."

Sirius' eyes widened and he seemed to understand.

"Oh, right – of course. Sorry."

Remus thought he sounded relieved.

They stood for a few seconds in silence.

"It _is_ a horrible scent, isn't it?" Sirius said finally. "I thought maybe it was just me but clearly not."

Remus' mouth twitched. "It could be worse," he said fairly.

"Yes, but not much worse... right?"

Remus let out a low laugh.

"No, Sirius, not _much_ worse," he conceded.

A triumphant smile spread across Sirius' face and Remus felt his heart swell.

"Yes, well, I should go take a shower. Get this smell off."

Remus nodded. "I should get back to studying."

Sirius laughed softly.

"Of course you should." He gave Remus' face one last lingering look. "Night then, Remus."

"Goodnight, Sirius," he whispered.

As Remus watched the tall boy walk away, he marveled at the sight of the messy hair and rumpled clothes. How he still managed to look good – maybe even better than he normally did – after such an exhausting activity was a mystery to Remus.

He sighed.

No. Never had the end of a week been so eagerly anticipated.


	13. Chapter 13

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 13**

The chilly spring air was surprisingly refreshing to the three students making their way to the crowded streets of Hogsmeade.

The mousy haired boy had been whining most of the way and the two taller sixth years sighed simultaneously when he opened his mouth to continue.

"I mean, I can't _believe_ she gave us detention, James...and on a Hogsmeade Saturday at that!"

"Yes, well," the bespectacled boy replied. "Instead of raiding the Slytherins' dorms maybe next time we should do the _right_ thing and take a girl to the romantic hotspot of the decade for a quick shag like Sirius here."

"Yeah, you're right," the smaller boy said in agreement. "_Sirius_ didn't even get told off!"

"It was a joke, Pete," James said with a sigh.

He turned to face the boy in question.

"The bathroom, Sirius? _Really?_ And here I was thinking you had a shred of class left..."

The black-haired boy glared at his friend but said nothing.

"Even old Malfoy would have given the poor girl a bed. What will all the lovely ladies of Hogwarts think of the so-called Gryffindor _gentlemen_?"

Sirius snorted.

"You mean what will _Evans_ think of _you_ and as I've told you countless times before, it'll take more than one of my simple, little escapades to change her opinion of you, mate."

The hazel eyes narrowed.

"Yes, well...she won't be able to resist me tonight. Tell me I don't look positively _dashing_ in red."

"You look great, James," the smaller boy piped up.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Try not to encourage him so much, Peter...I'm beginning to think _you're_ the reason he's two steps away from giving up on Evans and just carrying a mirror around with himself for the rest of his life."

He got a shove for his remark but no response.

They had arrived in Hogsmeade.

"Alright, I want each of you to keep an eye out for Evans. It wouldn't do for this," James pointed to his red sweater, "to go to waste."

Scanning the crowds, the three sixth years pushed their way through the masses, stopping to glance through the windows of a few choice shops along the way.

It was already late into the afternoon and most students had spent the entire day in Hogsmeade.

The boys wandered into several shops – James' eyes widening in excitement at some brooms on display – as they looked for any signs of the red head.

As Peter was ushering James into Honeyduke's for a quick 'sweet stop', the sight of a group of students across the street stopped Sirius from following his friends inside.

He squinted, hoping he didn't look _too_ obvious, and quickly found who he was looking for.

Remus was standing between two short, curly haired girls who were eyeing him predatorily.

Sirius couldn't blame them.

Remus looked _incredibly_ good dressed in muggle clothes. He had on jeans and a nice, black sweater over his collared school shirt. His golden eyes were glowing in contrast to the dark colors and Sirius could tell from where he was standing that Remus was laughing about something one of the girls had said.

Sirius stood for a short while, hoping Remus would look over, before students began to get annoyed at his position right outside the entrance.

He reluctantly turned away from Remus and followed a couple of third years into the sweet shop.

As he watched his friends race around in excitement he could feel a flood of emotions coursing through him – confusion, frustration and longing being the most dominant. The only thing that brought Sirius comfort was the realization that it was the first time in weeks that he felt no desire to search for the blonde after seeing Remus.

Due to the long queues, the boys were in Honeyduke's for almost an hour before James was back to pulling them briskly down the darkening streets.

They made it to the Three Broomsticks in record time.

Crowded as usual, the trio squeezed in at a table next to a group of women at the back. The women all had matching hats on and one of them had the words 'can't have me...Bride to be' flashing in bright colors on the front.

Ignoring the winks they got from the ladies, James searched the pub anxiously while the other two contemplated how best to talk Madam Rosmerta into giving them a few drinks.

"There! There she is! Move over Peter, quick! EVANS! HEY EVANS! THERE'S ROOM OVER HERE!"

The pretty red head turned, raised one slim, elegant eyebrow at the scene James was making, and shook her head. She turned away quietly and headed over to a table with a few other sixth year girls.

Sirius and Peter reached over to give their friend a comforting pat on the back but he nudged their hands away.

"Did you guys see that?" he asked excitedly. "She literally had to _force_ herself to stop looking at me!"

Sirius shook his head and Peter frowned in the direction of the girls figuring he must've misread the red head's _true _expression.

Sirius shifted to the side and stood up.

"Firewhiskey, mate?"

James nodded.

"Peter?"

"Yeah, same for me."

Sirius pulled a galleon from his pocket and nodded at a couple of seventh years nearby.

As he waited at a table near the front for his drinks, he glanced impatiently out the front window at the few students milling around the various shop entrances. Sirius watched as a group of students waved over their shoulders at someone further down the street and headed over to the pub.

He saw a flash of black and gold and his heart sped up.

_Remus._

The boy was heading into a bookshop on his own, a slight smile on his face.

Sirius would have liked to race across the street and follow him in but he knew he didn't have any reason to do such a thing.

He stood quietly debating with himself the reasons why he should leave Remus alone (and was about to turn away) when another figure hurried into the bookshop after Remus. Pale and lanky as ever, the sight of Shanks following Remus gave Sirius a decidedly unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach.

That particular Slytherin wasn't known for being studious.

Sirius was outside in an instant, crossing to the shop with an uneasy feeling building up inside of him.

He opened the door carefully and slipped inside.

A few of the students gave him confused looks as he passed by – clearly they didn't believe that Sirius Black could be in search of a bit of extracurricular reading material. He peered around various aisles of the large bookstore, searching for the familiar form and stopping abruptly at the sound of Shanks' harsh, raspy voice coming from an aisle at the back.

"I knew there was something I remembered about you," he spat nastily. "You better _hope_ I don't tell him, Lupin."

A sudden wave of nausea hit Sirius. Shanks had figured out Remus' secret. _But how?_

He pushed himself off the shelf and rounded the corner in an instant.

Shanks was leaning over Remus with a look of disgust on his face. They both turned to face him.

"_Déjà vu_, eh Black?" Shanks' whispered maliciously. "Come to rescue your little boyfriend again?"

Sirius lunged forward and grabbed the front of the boy's shirt, shoving him away from Remus.

"Get out of here, Shanks. _Now._"

The boy glared at the pair as he dusted the front of his robes off.

"Fingers crossed, eh Lupin?" And with a one last satisfied look at them, he strode away.

Sirius turned back to find Remus, pale and shaking, staring in horror at the spot where the boy had been.

"Remus?" he whispered concernedly. "Remus, what happened? How did he find out?"

Remus turned away quickly, lowering his head.

"How much did you hear, Sirius?"

The dark-haired boy frowned.

"What does it matter? I already found out. You know that."

Remus turned back around sharply to face him.

"You do? But how could you...oh—_oh._" A look of comprehension came over Remus' face suddenly and he relaxed against the shelves – a soft sigh escaping his parted lips. "Of course. My...erm...condition. Yes. well..."

Sirius felt confused.

"I'm missing something," he stated simply, stepping closer to the boy. "All these secrets, Remus...it must be exhausting."

The big, golden eyes were full of worry again in an instant.

"Sirius, I –" the boy's voice was strained. He was thinking carefully about his choice of words. "You already know more than you should, Sirius. And I...I can take care of myself. Please. Please don't ask any more questions."

Sirius stared at the pleading eyes and the poor, perfect bottom lip being chewed mercilessly in the boy's nervousness.

He couldn't deny Remus anything when he looked like that.

He sighed and nodded in agreement.

"Ok, Remus," he said reluctantly. "But if you ever need anything..."

The boy smiled up at him, looking genuinely appreciative of the offer.

"Thank you, Sirius. That is very kind."

The golden eyes stared up at him for awhile longer, studying, and Sirius felt himself become a little self-conscious at the attention.

"Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"Are James and Peter waiting for you somewhere?"

Sirius was startled out of his daze by the comment and couldn't keep the disappointment out of his voice when he replied.

"Oh. Yeah. I guess I should get back."

Remus stared at him with a puzzled expression on his face as he turned to go.

"Sirius – wait," the boy called as he reached the end of the aisle. "You...you can stay if you'd like."

Sirius knew he must look like an overexcited pup but he just didn't really care.

"Yeah?"

Remus laughed softly.

"Of course. I just...probably won't be as exciting company as James or Peter would be. You see, I've been waiting for this book to come out for ages and well...I was kind of planning to do a bit of reading today."

Sirius grinned.

"That's fine. I'll get a book too. We can read together," he said enthusiastically.

* * *

_Reading together_ ended up equating to Sirius sitting with his head down and his eyes fixed on Remus as the boy eagerly read his new book.

They had both paid for their books and found a quiet area in the back with a few scattered tables.

Remus' eyes were glued to the pages but every so often Sirius thought he saw the golden orbs freeze on the page, as if he realized he was being watched. After awhile Sirius had to force himself to read ten lines for every two minutes he got to stare at the tawny haired boy across from him.

When he started to get nervous that Remus might notice the lack of attention towards his book he would turn a page or two without reading them. It had been well over an hour since he'd left the pub but he knew James and Peter would have assumed he had run into a pretty girl and gone for a quick snog somewhere.

He continued his ten line-two minute routine without interruption until a bushy-haired employee poked her head around the corner and cleared her throat.

"Hey...you guys are from Hogwarts, right? You might want to check this out."

The boys looked at each other in confusion as they rose and followed the woman to the front of the shop.

There was something going on outside.

Several rowdy students were crowded around something – cheering excitedly under the dim light of the streetlamps.

Remus walked up close to the window; Sirius just behind him.

It was not that Sirius didn't feel _slightly_ curious about what was holding so many students' attention outside but he knew, without a doubt, that the figure in front of him was much more interesting than anything going on out there could ever be.

He studied the back of Remus carefully.

On his neck there was a small, white scar on the otherwise flawless skin. Without thinking, he reached a finger up to trace it.

"Sirius!"

His hand snapped back down to his side as Remus turned to look at him with wide, concerned eyes.

"Sirius, that's James doing that! You've got to stop him!"

He looked past Remus' golden eyes and out through the window.

It was indeed James.

His friend had Severus Snape hanging upside down in the air. He appeared to be throwing several hexes at him – much to the crowd's amusement.

The sight wasn't entirely unfamiliar to Sirius but he knew it wasn't something Remus would have seen much and, wanting to please the boy, he nodded and rushed outside.

"Oi! What's going on out here?"

The circle parted to let him through and he walked up to his messy-haired friend.

There was the strong smell of alcohol hovering in the air around them and as he got closer to his friend he saw the hazel eyes were glazed over.

"Sirius!" he shouted in greeting. "_There_ you are! Look what I caught! He was trying to chat up Evans again."

To anyone but Sirius, James sounded amused, delighted even, at having caught Severus. But Sirius could hear the disappointment and hurt in his voice.

"James, mate, it's time to get back," he said quietly, taking his friend's arm in a careful but firm grip.

James narrowed his eyes at his friend, clearly struggling to see him in the dark.

"Sirius?" he whispered, all amusement gone from his voice.

"What is it, mate?"

James' expression was pained and he looked up mournfully at his friend.

"Oh Merlin, Sirius," he moaned suddenly. "I'm gonna be sick."

Several things happened at once.

Severus' thin form came crashing to the ground, the spell holding him vanishing in an instant – the circle parted again in two places – one so James could run to the bushes outside of the pub and another so Remus could hurry forward from the sidelines to help the Slytherin up. Several of the shop owners rushed out at once to make sure the boy who had fallen wasn't seriously injured.

Sirius fought down the jealousy he felt at the sight of Remus rushing to help the Slytherin and ran through the parted crowd to check on his friend.

Without the excitement, the drunken mass of students began to dissipate at an incredibly fast rate – most of them filed back inside the Three Broomsticks to grab another drink.

As Sirius stood guarding his friend while he spilled the contents of the evening into the bushes, he felt a gentle touch on his arm.

"Is he okay?" a soft voice whispered in his ear.

Sirius looked at Remus' concerned face and the soft, pale hand resting on his arm and he felt something inside of him settle into place so quickly it was almost startling.

He knew what he wanted.

He _wanted_ to wrap one arm around Remus and the other around his best friend, and just _go_.

They were the only people he would ever need, weren't they?

Granted, he would eventually have to knock Evans unconscious and kidnap her so she and James could marry; but other than that it suddenly seemed like the most natural thing in the world to want what he wanted.

"Yeah," he whispered finally. "He needs to sleep it off. I should get him back to school."

Remus looked up at him and nodded.

"Do you need any help?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, you stay here and enjoy your books. I'll take care of him."

He reached forward and helped his messy-haired friend to stand, supporting most of the boy's weight himself.

Remus was studying his face again.

"You're a very good friend, Sirius," he whispered.

The entire student body could have told him he was the greatest wizard in the world – and meant it – and it still wouldn't have felt as good a compliment from Remus did.

Sirius felt a burst of pleasure and smiled softly at the tawny haired boy.

"Goodbye, Remus," he said. "Thanks for letting me stay with you while you read."

Remus watched silently as Sirius and a stumbling, barely-conscious James set off down the road. He hesitated for several long minutes until they reached the end of the street. Then took off at a run after them.

"Sirius! Wait up!"

"Remus," the sixth year said when he reached them. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine. I just...did you know that all the shops are open late tonight?"

The dark-haired boy nodded slowly.

"Well, I'll be in the bookshop for awhile longer..."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

They stood in silence.

"Will you come back, Sirius?" Remus asked finally.

Sirius wondered if it wasn't a little bit unhealthy for his heart to race so much. He could not bring himself to care much though as he looked into the other boy's eyes.

"Yeah," he promised. "Just give me an hour."

Remus gave him a shy smile in response and slowed to a stop, watching as the two boys walked away.

Sirius looked back at the dark silhouette. The golden eyes were glowing in the distance.

He faced forward again with determination and hoisted James' arm up over his shoulder.

If he hurried, he could get back in much less than an hour.


	14. Chapter 14

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 14**

Stairs.

Sirius had never given the bloody things much thought before having to drag his semi-conscious friend up several dozen of them.

He pulled the boy along as fast as he could without making him sick again but, as they reached the final set of stairs leading up to the dorms, he felt the weight become even heavier against him.

He silently cursed each step for delaying his return to Hogsmeade.

"Sirrs?" his bespectacled friend slurred.

"Hm?"

"S'good feeling, isnit?"

Sirius sighed.

James had been mumbling random things the whole way. Even when he was moments from passing out he could still manage to talk.

"What feeling is that?" he inquired patiently.

"Mh. Y'know. _Knowing..._"

James fell silent again as Sirius kicked open the door to the darkened room and stumbled inside.

James' head was lolling against his shoulder and he let out a loud yawn into Sirius' ear as he was deposited onto his large four poster bed.

Sirius exhaled in relief and flicked on the bathroom light. He had just enough time to change out of his drool covered sweater before heading back to the village.

"Sirrs?"

_How James was managing to stay awake..._

"Yeah?"

"When're we gonna finish our amin-ainim-animal...agus potion? Lily'd be impressed."

Sirius snorted.

"I don't know," he called back finally. "It's not as if we need to transform to sneak around anymore...that's what the cloak's for."

The light from the bathroom streamed out into their dorm and he smiled at James' dozing form.

Before he could turn back to his trunk, the waxing moon caught his eye.

_Remus._

The moonlight was shining brightly in accusation.

Sirius felt his stomach tighten.

"We stopped working on it," he whispered aloud, the realization of what it meant making him sick.

"Si, s'that you?"

He ignored his friend's confused call and stood up, one hand reaching up to tug roughly on his own hair.

"We stopped working on the potion because your dad gave you the cloak," he explained to the room, his annoyance with himself growing by the second. "And by that time we had figured out enough secret passageways to not need disguises to get around anyway. And then the map... it was never imperative to continue right away. But now..._now_...it could change everything. It would help him."

He ran over and lightly shook his dozing friend until the hazel eyes opened.

He'd later see the pointlessness of this move but in that moment he wanted confirmation and it didn't matter if it was from his drunk, slurring friend or from the Minister of Magic himself.

"James," he whispered seriously.

"Mm."

"Werewolves. They only go after humans, don't they?"

His friend stared at him for a moment, concentrating hard on the question before a lazy smile spread across his face.

"Mh. Yeah. We taste _good_. 'Specially the girls. Mmm...I bet Lily'd taste lovely."

Rolling his eyes, Sirius pulled the clean sweater over his head and tied his hair back quickly.

"James," he said seriously, feeling his pulse quicken. "We need to start working on becoming animagi again."

"Mkay. Lily'd be impressed..."

Sirius swiftly tossed a blanket over his friend and grabbed the familiar cloth from the boy's trunk.

With a flick of his wrist, the light from the bathroom was extinguished and he was rushing down the stairs and through the halls again. Back to Hogsmeade. Back to Remus.

He _knew_ how he was going to help.

"It's a good feeling," he whispered.

* * *

Forty five minutes and twelve seconds.

Thirteen.

Fourteen.

Fifteen.

Remus let out a soft growl and forced his eyes back down to his book.

This was not good.

He had barely finished a page since returning to the bookstore to wait for Sirius.

He was nervous...anxious...confused...

The longer he waited for the sixth year, the more he regretted inviting him back.

Remus' next transformation was less than a week away and he usually found that the evenings were the most difficult time to try and reign in all of his varying emotions.

He _needed_ to stay calm though. The last thing he wanted was to let something slip in front of Sirius.

He knew he should be looking for Shanks and _begging_ the boy not to tell anyone what he knew... writing back to his Aunt to reassure her that everything would be okay...working on his dreamless sleep potion so he could _finally_ rest for a few hours...

There was so much he had to think about...to _worry_ about.

_One night off._

He wanted to forget – however briefly – about his secrets and pretend that he was good enough, _normal_ enough, to spend an evening with someone like Sirius.

The memory of the raven-haired boy gently taking hold of his bespectacled friend, helping him back to the castle without a moment's hesitation, made something stir inside Remus.

Sirius, however mischievous and promiscuous he appeared to be, was undeniably kind.

_Too_ kind for someone like Remus.

When Sirius was around it was as if it didn't matter that a beast was lurking inside of him; restless and hungry.

But it did matter.

He didn't normally feel the presence of the wolf – the _hunger_ of it – until a day or two before his transformation; and even then it was just a matter of suppressing it. Controlling it.

But he felt it right then, waiting for something, _wanting_ something.

He wished more than ever that he hadn't invited the raven-haired boy back.

"Rem?"

Remus looked up, startled at the sound of the voice.

"I thought I'd find you here," the Ravenclaw said, chuckling as he took a seat across from Remus.

_Sirius' chair._

Struggling to suppress any further thoughts of the black-haired boy, he spoke as casually as he could.

"Terry," he greeted, trying his best to smile at the boy. "How was the pub?"

"_Dull_," his friend declared, voice laced with amusement. "I knew I should have tagged along with you."

The slight squeak of the shop's front door was just loud enough to reach his sensitive ears.

He felt pleasure and anxiety course through him as he imagined Sirius' feet making their way towards him.

_He had come back._

"Did you get that book you've been wanting?"

Remus' eyes snapped up to look at his friend.

"The book...yes. Mr. Brooks said it was one of the last copies he had in stock. Apparently they've been selling hundreds."

"Figures. I guess that means you have good taste in books," Terry smiled. "Though I can't pretend I didn't know that already..."

Remus tried to listen as the boy continued to talk about books and the pub and their plans for the following day but he was quickly becoming too distracted by a new scent floating through the air.

He inhaled deeply.

He was _sure_ that that dark, refreshing, spicy scent wafting through the air was Sirius'.

Warmth spread through him.

He stared intently at the walkway that led to the front of the shop.

Was he imagining it? Just _wanting _to smell Sirius...to see him stroll casually around the corner with his dark, shining hair tied back and the sexy, roguish smile on his handsome face?

He could feel the wolf's growl rising in his throat again.

"You alright, Rem?"

He jumped slightly and turned back to look at his friend with wide eyes.

"Fine," he managed to say in a hoarse voice.

_What was happening to him?_

"You seem a little distracted, that's all..."

He silently begged the wolf to calm down, to wait until he was safely locked up in the Shrieking Shack before he started trying to control Remus again. _Not yet. Not yet._

"I'm sorry, Terry," he swallowed hard. "I just have a lot on my mind tonight."

The other boy smiled at him.

"Well, is there anything I can do to help?"

_Go find Sirius and tell him to run away._

"Er...no, I don't think so. I'll sort everything out. Thanks Terry."

"Alright. Well, I'd better go then," he said, standing and smiling down at Remus. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't get caught in an avalanche of books or anything."

He winked at Remus.

"See you tomorrow?"

Remus managed another smile.

"Yeah, have a good night, Terry."

At the sight of the boy's retreating back, Remus stood abruptly and walked down the nearest aisle.

He breathed in deeply, trying to control his emotions.

_Why could he feel the wolf so close to the surface when his transformation was still a week away? Why were thoughts of Sirius affecting him now and not earlier when the boy was right next to him?_

He leaned against one of the shelves, raising an arm so his head could rest on it, and tried to calm his nerves.

"Found you," a warm voice breathed into his ear.

Pleasure coursed through him.

"Sirius," he breathed.

He needed to stay calm.

"Remus," the deep voice whispered against his ear. "I have something to tell you."

Closing his eyes tightly, Remus forced himself not to turn around.

He could feel Sirius' eyes on him – watching...studying...wondering what was wrong.

"You ok?"

The dark-haired boy touched his shoulder softly.

They were so close.

If he leaned back an inch he would feel the other boy's warmth against him.

"Remus?"

He opened his eyes and lifted his head to find Sirius staring intently at him. His gray eyes looked darker than they normally did.

Merlin, the boy was handsome.

Remus wanted to tell him everything.

Confess every last one of his secrets.

The letter.

The dreams.

Shanks.

The wolf.

He forced his mouth to remain shut and merely stared into the beautiful pools of gray.

After several minutes of just staring at one another, Sirius raised a hand, slowly and carefully, to touch his face.

The long, rough fingers stroked lightly over the contours of his cheekbones, his forehead, his nose. A thumb reached up to gently trace his mouth.

_Why wasn't he stopping Sirius?_

Remus felt both calmed and ignited by the feel of the other boy's fingertips on his skin.

_Is this what his girlfriends feel like? Is this how he touches them?_

He felt a sudden, unfamiliar burst of possessiveness surge through him and he wanted to touch Sirius back.

_What was happening?_

He blushed deeply and turned his head away from the tempting hand.

_Surely the boy didn't want him when he could have any one of the many beautiful girls inside or outside of Hogwart's?_

"Remus..."

It looked as if Sirius was fighting his own internal battle.

His eyes were heavy with uncertainty as he lifted his hand up again, this time reaching around to touch Remus' neck. A single, rough finger traced a small pattern on the back of it.

Remus knew he should do something to stop the sweet touch. There were too many reasons not to want this. Not to allow it.

_Just one night._

He leaned into the touch and the dark-haired boy let out a sigh of relief.

"Remus..." this time it was spoken like a prayer, like the word tasted good in the boy's mouth and he'd been waiting to say it, to _savour_ it.

_Stay calm._

"Remus..." The dark haired boy was leaning in closer, his breath ghosting over Remus' lips as he exhaled.

_Stay calm._

And then Sirius' smooth lips were on his.

They were so much warmer and softer than Remus expected. The whispers he'd heard of Sirius' conquests filled his mind and he waited for the impatient, fervent kisses that he'd heard about.

But the kiss remained sweet and chaste.

Sirius was being cautious – a trait so unlike him it would have startled Remus if he hadn't been so distracted by the tender kiss.

The taller boy wasn't plunging his tongue forward, trying to snog him; he was comforting him, trying to calm him down.

The effect this had on Remus wasn't calming in the slightest though – he felt arousal course through him and the wolf's instincts rose ever closer to the surface.

Sirius' lips lingered on his own for several more seconds before the boy pulled back with a dazed, satisfied smile on his face.

_Perfect._

Sirius looked content – like that one, simple kiss was enough.

That alone made Remus want more and he felt his animalistic instincts take control in an instant.

He pushed the taller boy up against the shelf, reversing their positions, and covered the mouth with his own; tasting what he should never have been allowed to taste.

After only a moment's hesitation, Remus felt the boy start to kiss him back and their tongues began battling eagerly with one another.

Remus couldn't help the appreciative growl that rose in his throat at the sweet taste of the other boy's mouth.

The large hands rose through the air once more to touch his face and Remus felt his own hands grab at the silky black strands, impatiently pulling the tie from the boy's hair.

He felt Sirius' tongue sweep slowly across his lips and he growled again.

After a few minutes, he pulled anxiously at Sirius' sweater, wanting to get the wretched thing off so he could feel the soft, smooth skin that he knew was underneath.

_It was his turn to touch the other boy._

Just as he was pulling the sweater up, the sight of Sirius' smooth, defined torso coming into view, he felt strong hands reach down to still his movement.

He looked up in confusion and irritation and found the gray eyes looking down at him intently; the strong hands squeezed his arms gently.

Sirius was worried.

The initial frustration he felt at Sirius halting their actions diminished within seconds of seeing the boy's expression.

Remus' own instincts and common sense came flooding back to him; he felt the hungry beast inside of him retreat in mild satisfaction.

His eyes widened in humiliation at what he had done, at what he had _wanted_, but Sirius pulled him close and continued to trace rough fingertips gently over his face long after the dark flush disappeared from his cheeks.

Not knowing what else to do or say, and afraid that the wolf might come back at any moment, he just let Sirius hold him.

It was late into the night before he finally pushed down his embarrassment enough to allow himself to revel in the soft, careful touches.

He couldn't bring himself to wonder why Sirius hadn't left him yet.


	15. Chapter 15

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 15**

_Why didn't it feel wrong?_

It had been five days since he last felt those strong, pale hands tugging desperately at his clothes, and still the only thing he could think about was how right it had felt.

Sirius knew that he shouldn't want Remus as much as he did.

His cheeks should be heating up in embarrassment and shame at the memory of how much he enjoyed the boy's fervent actions in the bookshop.

He wondered at first whether maybe it _did_ feel wrong...to Remus.

Every time that the golden eyes looked up at him when he entered the common room or the great hall or the library, Sirius' jaw would tighten painfully and he would wait for the regret to wash over Remus' pale features.

When they would brush by one other in the hallway, Sirius would bite the inside of his cheek, _positive_ that Remus would tell him off for touching his hand as he passed.

When it didn't happen one time, he was _sure_ it would happen the next.

But after three, four, five quick touches, the boy's reaction was still the same.

The golden eyes would snap to his, the same wild, hungry look from their first encounter flashing through them; the soft lips would part and Remus would inhale sharply – taking in Sirius' tentative smile with disbelief.

After a few moments of staring, the boy would bite his bottom lip gently and smile back.

For the few seconds that it took for Remus to do all that, Sirius' heart would pound painfully in his chest until Remus turned away.

They never spoke a word.

Sirius wondered if Remus, too, was worried about tainting what they had started with words or explanations.

When the bright, full moon rose into the sky that week, Sirius tried to ignore the twisting muscles in his stomach.

He'd heard that the transformation was painful.

He could imagine Remus standing alone, biting his lips to keep from crying out in pain.

_Would Remus be squeezing his eyes shut tightly as it began?_

_Would he be clenching his fists as he felt his body change?_

Sirius thought about the poor, soft skin and all those scars.

If it weren't for the books and essays laid before him, offering potential relief to Remus' pain, Sirius could imagine himself pacing the room like the caged werewolf must be.

For now though, he had a distraction.

The animagus potion.

Sirius sat for hours, biting his quill in concentration; making quick, messy notes in the margins; folding the corners of the most important pages.

When James and Peter returned from the common room, wide-eyed and curious, he merely waved a hand in acknowledgment and tossed a book to each of them.

He felt James' puzzled, questioning gaze on him throughout the evening but could not bring himself to explain.

Not now.

Not yet.

* * *

Sirius continued researching well into the early hours of the morning before his eyelids began to get heavy. It was a cold night. James and Peter had long since abandoned their books to curl up snugly in their own beds.

Sirius looked down at his hands to find that each one of his fingers had been stained with ink.

Through the window, he could see that the moon had already disappeared from the sky.

He sighed in relief and leaned back to rest his eyes.

It hardly felt like time had passed before Sirius was stumbling down to the Great Hall for a late breakfast before class. He quickly found his messy-haired friend among the dwindling crowd of Gryffindors.

"Sirius, mate, you, uh, decided not to have a shower today, I see..."

Sirius made a non-committal grunt as he took a seat across from his two friends.

"Merlin she's sexy when she's angry."

Sirius glanced up in time to see the glaring red head pass by without a word...the same way she had every day that week.

Sirius shook his head and reached for some toast.

"That's convenient," he remarked. "You'll be able to keep her looking sexy all the time."

James ignored him.

"She doesn't look _quite_ so upset today, James," Peter offered. "Maybe she's starting to forgive you?"

Peter's words of encouragement were scoffed at by several of the surrounding students and James' lovesick expression turned into a scowl.

Pretending to look over at the glaring girl, Sirius scanned the length of the table and sighed.

Remus would probably be absent from classes that day.

Sirius would have liked to check up on the boy but he knew that if he turned up at the hospital wing looking for Remus the nurse would have questions. He certainly wasn't going to risk getting Remus in trouble by admitting to knowing his secret.

Much to James' bewilderment, he remained uncharacteristically quiet and subdued throughout the day. When their last class finally ended, Sirius quickly bypassed the Great Hall and made his way back to Gryffindor Tower without a word.

The common room was mostly empty. There was a small group of girls giggling by the stairs to the boy's dorms and a couple of first years playing Wizard's chess at one side of the room.

He figured it would be several hours before Remus was released from the hospital wing but he wanted to be there waiting.

It was a good thing there wasn't a clock in the room. He sighed despairingly and fell onto one of the sofas by the fire – staring down at his ink-stained hands until his eyes closed again.

* * *

When he next woke, it took him several moments to realize where he was and what it was that had disturbed his sleep.

He looked around blearily and quickly noticed the hand grasping his arm in a gentle grip.

He turned his gray eyes up to look at the owner of it.

Remus.

The boy was staring down at him with concern in his eyes. He looked tired but alert.

"Alright?" Remus whispered.

He nodded.

"I think you were dreaming."

Sirius wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to talk.

He looked back down at the hand still grasping his arm. The white edge of a bandage was peeking out from under the sleeve of the boy's robe.

Remus saw him looking and pulled his hand back quickly.

"Dinner's almost over, Sirius," he said softly, turning to face the stairs. "You should get something to eat."

_I'm not hungry, _he meant to say.

But Remus had gone up the stairs before he opened his mouth.

Frowning, Sirius looked around at all the students lounging in the common room.

_When had they all come in? And why hadn't he heard them?_

He recognized some of the fifth year boys that Remus shared his dorm with. None of them appeared to have noticed their friend entering – or exiting – the room.

Remus probably didn't want them to notice.

Sirius wondered if anyone would notice _him_ leave as well.

He glanced around the room as he stood up to follow.

No one was looking his way.

He walked to the foot of the steps quietly.

_Would Remus mind if he followed him to his dorm again?_

He climbed the stairs in a daze.

_He could always blame it on a lack of sleep..._

The fifth years' room was dark and vacant like it had been the last time he had been there. Sirius' eyes were immediately drawn to the strip of light at the foot of the bathroom door.

_Would Remus be half-naked again?_

He crossed the room in seconds and knocked softly.

When he opened the door to find Remus facing the door – as if he had known Sirius would follow him – he felt a guilty flush creep up his neck.

Remus' school robes were gone but he still wore his uniform.

The black-haired boy struggled to keep his eyes fixed on Remus' face. He wasn't sure what to say.

_Hadn't they – in their own strange way – agreed on silence?_

Remus didn't look expectant in the least as he stared back at him. He was holding on tightly to what looked like a small bottle. A healing potion.

"Here, let me help," Sirius whispered quickly, startled by the sound of his own voice.

Remus looked surprised too. He stood for awhile, unmoving.

Without taking his eyes off of the boy in front of him, Sirius cautiously made his way across the room with soft, steady footsteps.

"Remus," he breathed.

_He wanted to touch the soft skin._

Remus shuddered noticeably at the sound of his name but when he reached up to pull his shirt off, he removed it with steady hands.

Sirius' fingertips ghosted across the tense shoulders and down the backs of the scarred arms.

_I imagined they were you_, he thought.

Remus shivered.

_They don't compare._

Sirius' fingers continued down until they reached the hand with the potion in it.

Remus released the small bottle into his open palm without a word.

Their eyes met in the mirror as Sirius poured some of the potion into his hand.

_I imagined. I imagined. But this..._

When he started to trace Remus' skin with the liquid, the boy's breath hitched but he merely watched intently as he leaned into Sirius' soft touches.

Sirius covered each and every scratch, cut and scar – taking much more time than he needed to.

And never saying a word.

When there were no more cuts left to treat, Sirius' hands fell to his sides and he raised his head to look at Remus' face. He thought he could see his own disappointment reflected in the golden eyes. It wouldn't have been the first time he saw something that wasn't really there though...

His eyes traveled over the pale face and down past the smooth neck.

He swallowed hard.

Remus' chest and stomach were littered with a few fresh cuts as well.

The boy followed his gaze down and, after a short pause, turned to face him.

"You don't have to," he breathed. "I can do these."

Even as he said this though, Sirius was reaching for the bottle again and pouring more of the potion out into his hands – staring at the body before him in silence.

Looking to Remus for permission, he waited until he received a small, quick nod, before reaching forward hesitantly.

Remus' chest, though slighter than his, was strong. He watched, mesmerized, as Remus shivered almost imperceptibly under his touch.

The feel of Remus' skin under his fingertips felt too _right._

_You're perfect_, he wanted to say.

No words came out.

He was finished much too quickly for his taste.

Sirius looked down into Remus' eyes again and frowned at the dark circles he saw there.

"Did you sleep today?" he asked softly.

"A bit."

The boy hesitated.

"I've been dreaming a lot lately."

Sirius blinked. "Nightmares?"

Remus looked away and reached for his shirt. "Just dreams. It's not important. Really. I – "

"You could try sleeping with me," Sirius interrupted quickly.

Remus turned back to him, both eyebrows raised in surprise, and a flush immediately spread across Sirius' cheeks.

"I mean I could wake you," he amended. "If you dream..."

Remus stared.

"I won't –" Sirius started. "I mean I would never – if you're worried that I'd –"

_He couldn't say it._

"You can trust me," he whispered finally.

The golden eyes studied his face again for a few seconds.

"I know."

Remus still looked worried about something though.

"You can come up to the sixth year dorms with me," Sirius continued softly. "James and Peter won't be back until later...I'll put up a few charms. They won't know you're there."

He didn't want to talk anymore but this sudden desire to _hold_ Remus while he slept overpowered his need for silence.

_Say yes._

"Stay with me, Remus?" he asked again. His voice had gotten softer with every word.

Remus' expression was pensive and he seemed to be working something out in his mind.

_Please._

Sirius felt uncertainty flood through him as the silence stretched on.

_He shouldn't have asked._

But just as he thought that, Remus let out a slow, soft breath, and answered.

"Ok."

* * *

The idea of sharing his bed with someone had never been appealing to Sirius.

_What if the person kicked and stole the covers? Or snored? Or had some other aggravating sleeping habit that kept him awake?_

Sirius had decided very early on that it was best to sleep alone.

But this was different.

_Remus_ was different.

And Sirius' current inability to sleep could not be attributed to an annoying sleeping habit of Remus'.

The boy probably didn't have any.

No. All Sirius could think about was reaching across the space separating him from Remus and pulling the warm body close to his.

Remus' breathing had been soft and steady since they'd gotten in bed.

_Would Remus let him hold him if he dreamt that night?_

The thought was strangely thrilling.

_Would Remus feel safe with him?_

He hoped so.

Sirius turned on his side – rustling the covers as he did so – and tried to make out Remus' features in the dark.

_How could the boy sleep so easily right now?_

"You move around a lot."

Sirius jumped.

It was too dark to see Remus' face but he could hear the amusement in the boy's voice.

"Sorry," he whispered.

Remus laughed softly and that warm feeling spread through Sirius again.

_If he moved his hand over he could touch Remus' soft skin._

"Warm enough?" Sirius breathed.

"Yes, thank you."

"Good."

Sirius started to turn over to lie on his back but stopped when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you, Sirius," the boy whispered.

Sirius stared into the dark but still couldn't see a thing.

_Why__ did it have to be so bloody dark?_

He inched closer, taking hold of the hand on his shoulder. He wondered if Remus could see better in the dark than he could.

Remus shifted and Sirius felt the steady puffs of breath against his cheek.

_Even _that_ felt good._

Sirius turned and felt the boy move forward carefully until their lips brushed together.

He leaned forward in excitement but the warm mouth had already disappeared.

Now_ Remus was feeling shy?_

Sirius smiled.

He could still feel the boy's breath hitting his lips; sharp and unsteady now.

"Remus?"

The boy's breath tickled his lips. "Yes?"

"I think you should sleep here from now on."

Remus didn't answer.

He just buried his nose in Sirius' warm neck and slept.


	16. Chapter 16

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 16**

Merlin, the library was cold.

Whatever charms they used to keep it warm in the winter must have been removed in preparation for the sunshine that was bound to come flooding in through the tall windows any day now.

Remus raised his head from his folded arms and looked around at the few remaining students who were still studying. A quick glance at the clock informed him (and subsequently, his growling stomach) that he had missed dinner yet again.

For the fifth time that week he had gone to the library intending to study only to shut his tired eyes and dream vividly of his father's ominous form approaching Hogwarts.

It had been exactly two weeks since he had fallen asleep next to Sirius.

As good as it had felt to lie in the other boy's strong arms, Remus knew that he couldn't stay there every night. James and Peter were bound to notice Sirius had company at one time or another – not to mention his own roommates would surely begin to notice his absences. It wasn't as if closing one's curtains could _really_ keep the other students from checking up on you…or, as what he suspected would be the case with Sirius' roommates, from waking you up.

No. After he had pulled himself (very reluctantly) from Sirius' warm bed at four in the morning, he had convinced himself almost instantly that he should not return there again. As innocent as it might be, they couldn't risk being discovered – not when there were so many questions that even they had yet to answer.

Even now, with less than two weeks until his final transformation before summer, Remus knew it had been the right decision.

He could feel the wolf's instincts lurking just below the surface and every time Sirius carefully stroked his back or grasped his hand as he passed by, he knew it wouldn't take much to lose control again. He didn't want to think about what would happen if he was lying in Sirius' bed when the wolf decided to make another appearance.

Thankfully, the sixth year had not outright asked him to return to his bed (_would he have been able to say no if he had?_) but when they would stare across the hall at one another he could almost see the question in Sirius' gray eyes. _Tonight?_

Remus' heart would beat wildly in his chest but still he would force himself to look away, pretending vainly that he could not see the hope etched onto the handsome features.

But even with his firm resolution to stay out of the older boy's bed, he still caught himself contemplating how quickly he had fallen asleep in Sirius' arms and how _good_ it felt when they'd kissed.

In fact, it was almost hard to believe how much of his time was spent thinking about the dark haired boy these days. Even when he felt Shanks' menacing glare following him, Remus could think of nothing but Sirius' soft lips on his.

When two seventh year Ravenclaws had recounted Sirius Black's public – and very loud – argument with one pretty blonde, Remus had struggled to focus on his schoolwork for the rest of the day.

It was common knowledge that Sirius Black never fought with his girlfriends and although no one really expected him to settle down with Azalia, the fact that he was pushing away someone who promised him early morning shags any day of the week was unthinkable to most of the student population. Remus, too, marveled at the idea.

The rush of pleasure – and rising jealously – that coursed through him every time he remembered finding the sweaty, messy-haired sixth year in the boys' bathroom with the blonde was shameful.

Even there, in the middle of the library, Remus could feel himself blushing fiercely at his irrepressible thoughts.

He stood quickly and grabbed his books; making his way to the back of the library in silence.

_Why couldn't he stop thinking about the other boy?_

He passed a group of Ravenclaw students that he recognized from the last study group and gave them what he hoped was a casual smile.

He had to resist the urge to rub at the tense muscles in his shoulders. For some reason the memory of Sirius' warm lips against his – and the knowledge that he would not be tasting the boy again anytime soon – was making him feel anxious. Add to this that his back ached terribly from the strain caused by sleeping slumped forward over his books.

He sighed as he bent forward to push a thick book back into its place between two similarly sized tomes. He really needed to get some more sleep.

Preferably in a bed from now on.

He moved stealthily to the far end of the row and stood on his toes to try and push another particularly heavy book onto one of the higher shelves.

_How had he managed to get it down without taking one of his own eyes out in the first place? And how come none of the books he needed were ever on the shelves that were at eye-level?_

He was pondering the answers to these questions – and contemplating returning the oversized book to the front desk for someone taller to deal with – when he felt a warm, hard body press up against his back.

He bit his lip to keep from growling at the scent as a strong arm stretched up over his head to slide the book back into its place.

_Why hadn't he noticed him coming?_

"Sirius," he whispered, trying to keep the elation he felt out of his voice. "Thanks."

He felt the taller boy smile against the back of his neck and he couldn't suppress a shiver.

"What are you doing in the library?"

Sirius' hot breath puffed out against his neck in quiet laughter.

"Er…studying?"

The boy didn't even bother trying to sound convincing.

Remus felt his mouth quirk up in a small smile but still refused to turn around and look into the handsome face.

"You missed dinner again," Sirius said. "I came to check on you."

Remus continued to smile even as he felt his heart rate speed up. Sirius hot breath felt good against the back of his neck and he couldn't stop the rush of excitement that rushed through him at the boy's words.

"How did you know I'd be here?"

He felt Sirius smile again, leaning in closer this time so he could whisper in Remus' ear.

"Secret," he breathed.

Remus tried not to think about how easy it would be to just lean back a bit more into the warmth that Sirius' body promised.

"Aren't you hungry, Remus?"

Thoughts of a just-shagged-Sirius returned unbidden and he struggled to think up the appropriate response. _Was_ he hungry?

He tried to imagine the food he had missed out on that evening but instead he found himself thinking about what would happen if he turned around and pushed the taller boy up against the books. If he pinned those rough hands above the boy's head – something he knew he could do without much effort – then he could taste those lips again.

Then the boy's neck, his chest, his stomach…

_No, he wasn't hungry. He was ravenous._

Remus wasn't sure whether the desire he felt for the handsome boy belonged to him or the wolf. It didn't matter much right then.

He cleared his throat.

"Not really."

_Weren't there other things he should be thinking about? Like his unfinished homework, perhaps? Or Shanks? Or summer? Or that damn letter?_

_He should not be thinking about turning around and shoving Sirius up against the books and kissing him and _touching_ him and, sweet merlin, did the other boy even know what he was doing to him? _

Sirius' fingertips were trailing down the sides of his arms and he shivered involuntarily again, this time unable to resist leaning back into the other boy's warmth.

He barely took note of Sirius' sharp intake of breath as he felt the boy's hands settle lightly on his hips.

"Are you sure?" Sirius whispered, interrupting Remus' thoughts and making him wonder, with a start, if he had spoken one of his lascivious thoughts aloud.

Remus didn't say anything in reply. He could not focus and he knew his breathing was becoming more and more ragged by the second.

"Remus? Are you sure you're not hungry? I could take you down to the kitchens."

_Ah. Still on about dinner._

Sirius' voice was so deep and smooth and _perfect_ that Remus would be lying if he said it was only the wolf who wanted to turn around and capture that mouth in a searing kiss.

"I'm fine," he managed.

He felt warm, smooth lips place a chaste kiss just below his ear.

"Try not to miss dinner again," Sirius whispered beseechingly.

And then he was pulling away, taking his warmth with him, and stepping back to give Remus space; something which, unfortunately, happened to be one of the last things he wanted right then.

Before he could pause to think, Remus' own hands covered the ones grasping his hips – holding them in place before they, too, could disappear.

The taller boy did not step any closer to him but his grip, which had loosened somewhat during their brief talk, tightened once more.

"You alright?"

Remus groaned softly at the boy's husky tone.

"Remus –?"

The heavy breathing on his neck was sending little jolts of arousal through Remus and he swallowed hard, trying with all his might to figure out why sensible thought had chosen now of all times to abandon him.

"Tell me what you want, Remus," the husky voice pleaded.

He could have said anything then. Dinner. Solitude. A normal life. And he knew, without a doubt, that Sirius would have gone to any lengths to get it for him.

But his answer, when it came, had the potential to make things much more complicated than any of those other things could have.

"I want you," he said quietly.

He almost didn't recognize the sound of his own voice. It was changed noticeably by his growing desire.

Sirius held his hips firmly for several moments and didn't say anything.

Remus' mind began to flood with the horrible possibilities of what Sirius might be thinking.

_Should he take it back? Should he pull away? Why couldn't he just turn around and _look_ at the other boy?_

Just as he moved his head to the side to try and decipher the older boy's expression, one of Sirius' thumbs started rubbing small, soothing circles on his hipbone.

Remus sighed and whether it was out of relief or desire, his golden eyes finally met Sirius' piercing gray ones.

"Merlin, you have no idea how much I want you," the boy whispered back, resting his forehead against Remus'.

Then, as if to prove this point, strong hands pulled him back carefully and this time, as Remus melted into the taller boy's warmth, he felt something distinctly _hard_ pressing against his back.

His own body reacted instantaneously.

One of Sirius' hands slid carefully down to the top of his thigh.

"Can I – ?"

"Yes," Remus cut him off, not caring what it was that he was agreeing to but wanting _something_.

Sirius' touches were light and tentative – _was he nervous?_ – but the hand on Remus' thigh remained steady as it traveled leisurely to the front of his trousers.

Remus could feel his arousal straining against the fabric of his pants and the moment the skillful fingers made contact, he let out a low groan of appreciation.

_No one had ever touched him like that before and he wondered hazily why he wasn't nervous or worried about what Sirius might be thinking._

He watched entranced as Sirius' hand started to rub him gently through the fabric.

_How come when he touched himself if didn't feel this good?_

"More?" Sirius asked softly.

Even now, with both of their arousals quite apparent, the boy still sounded concerned.

Remus nodded and felt Sirius squeeze his hip reassuringly as the hand moved to unbutton his trousers. He nearly cried out in frustration when the boy carefully slid the zipper down with agonizing slowness.

Sirius took a deep breath, leaning forward to nuzzle Remus' neck affectionately as his hand slid inside**.**

The nimble fingers quickly found a way past his boxers and Sirius, hesitating only briefly, closed a roughened hand around his hardness.

They both inhaled sharply at the sensation and Sirius immediately began placing warm, wet kisses on the side of his neck.

Remus growled low in his throat and leaned his head back against the taller boy to allow him better access. He couldn't remember anything feeling quite so good.

When Sirius stroked once experimentally, running a thumb quickly over the head of his erection, Remus shuddered and clenched his teeth to keep from making any more noises.

He reached back to touch the older boy but Sirius caught his hand deftly and placed it on the shelf in front of them.

"No," Sirius whispered. "Just you."

Remus immediately felt the wolf's outrage at being denied and he could not stop another growl from escaping his throat.

"Shh," Sirius soothed, nibbling playfully on his neck to distract him.

The dark-haired boy moved his hand slowly up and down Remus' shaft again; the hand that had moved Remus' to the shelf reached up to roam across the expanse of his covered chest.

He could feel the wolf trying to take control – _it_ wanted to be the one that did the touching and _greatly_ disliked being teased with such slow, shallow strokes.

"Sirius," he whispered warningly when the boy still refused to increase his speed after several strokes.

"Hm?" came the distracted reply.

The way Sirius' breathing had become erratic it seemed almost as if the sixth year was the one who was being touched.

"A little faster," Remus whispered raggedly. "Please."

Sirius obeyed and the hand began to stroke deliciously faster over his hard length. Remus leaned his head back in relief – still fighting the urge to take control – and turned his head to find emblazoned gray eyes watching him intently.

The boy was studying his face as if entranced – wholly captivated by Remus' responses to his ministrations.

He could feel Sirius' heart beating rapidly against his back.

_Yes. This was what he wanted._

He could still feel the taller boy's hardness pressing against his lower back as the rough hand continued working steadily up and down his shaft. The hand that had been on his chest moved up to turn his face and capture his lips in a hungry kiss.

"Remus," Sirius kept chanting against his lips in between kisses. "My Remus."

_Remus was close. _So _close. Already._

The taller boy leaned his forehead against Remus' again and they stared into one another's eyes as Remus was pulled closer and closer to the edge.

"Say you'll stay with me again before summer," Sirius panted suddenly, speeding up his strokes yet again.

_Yes. Anything for you. Anything to keep feeling _this_; to keep feeling _you_ for the rest of my life._

He watched the desire swirl around in Sirius' eyes and, dear sweet Merlin, he'd never felt so wanted in his entire life.

He shut his eyes tightly and groaned once in warning before losing himself in the clutches of his orgasm; spilling himself into Sirius' open hand.

The hand loosened slightly but still remained wrapped around him possessively as he caught his breath.

When he opened his eyes again, he found he had moved his head forward to lean against the shelf in front of him.

He turned to look into Sirius' eyes and blushed brightly as rational thought finally returned to him.

He scanned the darkened aisle nervously.

"Don't worry. No one saw us," Sirius said quietly, still watching Remus' face closely.

Remus let out a shaky sigh and reached for his wand – casting a quick cleansing charm to clear the mess covering Sirius' hand. He missed the look of surprise and disappointment on Sirius' face as he slid his wand back in his pocket.

The boy let go of him reluctantly and stepped back; turning away so Remus couldn't see his face.

Remus tucked himself away silently and cursed the blush he knew must be staining his pale cheeks.

_What had gotten into him?_

He turned to look at the tall, dark-haired sixth year – his eyes roaming over the broad shoulders and down past the back.

He felt another spark of arousal stir within him.

"Will you, Remus?" the boy asked softly.

He swallowed hard.

_Did Sirius want him to return the favor then?_

The thought was both thrilling and nerve-wracking at once. He didn't know if he could touch the boy without blushing terribly – or at least without the help of the wolf and he didn't even want to think about that.

He took a tentative step forward but froze when Sirius turned his head to the side, eyes fixed on the ground.

"You'll stay with me once more, Remus?"

_Ah. That._

Remus bit his lip and tried to ignore the disappointment he felt at not being allowed to reciprocate – as well as the overwhelming pleasure that came with feeling wanted by someone like Sirius.

So, Sirius wanted an answer this time.

Could_ he stay with him one more night? Could he fall asleep next to the gray-eyed Adonis who only seconds before had turned down Remus' touches so that he could focus on solely pleasuring Remus?_

His heart would never slow down to a normal rate after this.

He reached out for the taller boy and closed a hand around the strong arm, turning the boy to face him. He looked at Sirius' sweaty, handsome face, watching him; wanting him.

No, he knew he had been right. He couldn't go to Sirius' bed every night.

Who knows what would happen if they got caught?

He could not risk that.

Just one more night before summer though; one more night before he spent months away from this boy who never left his thoughts.

"Yes," he whispered finally.

Just one more night.


	17. Chapter 17

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 17**

"_Say you'll stay with me again."_

The softly murmured words echoed in the young werewolf's mind as he sat staring across the Gryffindor table in silence.

Several seats down from him, amused laughter was escaping freely from between the soft, parted lips of a dark-haired sixth year. The boy's gray eyes were fixed on the bespectacled boy next to him who, along with their smaller sixth year friend, was recounting the story of how they managed to jinx every broomstick belonging to the Slytherin quidditch team earlier that day. With every word the two boys spoke, the handsome sixth year's smile appeared to widen even further.

Remus felt his stomach clench tightly in envy.

He should not have come to dinner that night.

The moon was tugging at him. It would not be much longer before he needed to lock himself up for the night. He felt the wolf's instincts determinedly trying to take over the rational part of his brain. The entire day words and reason had slowly begun to slip away. He knew he should have stayed hidden away in an old classroom like he usually did … out of sight until it was time to surrender.

It was only through sheer willpower that he had managed to keep his darker impulses in check for the last two weeks. That night, _the_ night, in the library felt like a dream now. Remus had been careful not to stay late in the library or linger in the hallway on his own since then.

Just in case the older boy found him on his own again. Just in case he couldn't control the urge to reciprocate…to _dominate_.

Just in case.

And much to his relief (and growing anxiety) the two boys had not had a single moment alone since.

Even now, though, he was not sure that it had been the right thing to do. Avoiding Sirius only seemed to intensify the wolf's desire to act and Remus had a terrible feeling there would be consequences for his unwavering self-restraint.

He let out a shaky sigh.

His dinner remained untouched before him but still he could not look away from the trio of sixth year boys.

_Why wasn't Sirius looking at him? How could he be so happy and carefree when they hadn't shared so much as a kiss in nearly a fortnight?_

He wanted the gray eyes to be focused on _him_.

He did not want to share with anybody. Not tonight.

Remus tried to tell himself to look away and leave the Great Hall before he did anything he might regret. He knew it would look strange if he sprinted out for no reason but he also knew that it would be significantly worse if he jumped across the table, pinned Sirius Black to the floor and groped him shamelessly in front of the majority of the staff and student body.

Forcing himself to look away from the smiling, carefree face, Remus pushed his plate forward and stood up quickly.

Yes. He definitely needed to get out of there.

If he hurried he might even have time to find a bit of… _relief_ before his transformation. He had a feeling that _that_ alone would not be enough to calm the wolf's desire but it certainly couldn't hurt.

"_Say you'll stay with me again."_

As he stepped away from the table he remembered Sirius' voice again and immediately increased his pace – only to freeze a millisecond later.

His skin had begun to prickle and a slight shiver passed through him.

_Finally._

Sirius' gaze was on him. He could feel it.

He turned back sharply and his eyes traveled the length of the Gryffindor table until they found the sixth years. No one but Remus seemed to notice the gray eyes watching him intently from across the room.

It looked like Sirius was trying to tell him something, to _ask_ him something, but Remus was finding it difficult to think about anything other than the hard, strong body that he knew was hidden beneath the boy's black robes. Not to mention those dark, gray eyes that were _finally_ focused on him.

With a shudder, he turned and quickly stalked the rest of the way out of the Great Hall – his need for relief increasing painfully with each step. He could feel Sirius' gaze follow him, puzzled and concerned, but he did not look back.

As he walked, his mind turned back to the night in the library – as it had so many times lately – and he felt a growl rise in his throat at one particular memory.

"_No," Sirius whispered. "Just you."_

The memory of Sirius catching his hand and stopping him from returning the intimate gesture taunted Remus cruelly.

He caught a glimpse of himself in one of the mirrors outside the Great Hall and could not help but think that Sirius _should_ be concerned.

His golden eyes were bright and fierce; his hair untamed; his fists and jaw clenched tightly.

Even in human form he looked feral.

The thought did nothing to improve his mood.

He glared hard at his reflection as if doing so might help fix his wild appearance.

"Something on your mind, Remus?"

The voice, although quiet, startled him greatly. He turned sharply to his right to find light brown eyes staring up at him with a sparkle of genuine interest shining in them. Although he did not know the girl's name, he recognized her face from several fifth year classes.

He managed a tight-lipped smile and shook his head in response.

"You poor thing," she cooed suddenly, stepping closer and reaching out to smooth down his messy hair. "You look as if you've just been in a fight!"

Remus felt the wolf's annoyance at her touch as if it were his own – and perhaps it was – but he held still as the girl continued to fret over his disheveled appearance. When she tried to engage him in a bit of flirtatious small talk, he made the appropriate responses but her words were forgotten almost the instant they were uttered.

He could hear the rain splashing against the windows harshly and somehow, _somehow_, he thought he could smell Sirius from where he stood twenty or so feet outside the Great Hall.

He needed to get out of there.

Remus managed to politely excuse himself from the girl's company and, as soon as he saw her slender form retreat into the Great Hall, he pushed past a group of loitering third years and out into the pouring rain.

As he ran, he felt the heavy drops of rain fall onto his face, neck and body and quickly soak through his clothing.

He did not care. He needed to get to the shack.

He rushed towards the Whomping Willow and, without hesitation, reached out a hand to prod the small knot that would freeze the vicious arms of the tree.

In his haste, he did not bother grabbing a stick to reach for the knot and, as if it sensed his carelessness – and was determined to punish him for it – the willow began to swing and punch its heavy branches through the air. Before his hand could so much as graze the knot, he had been flung back harshly.

Growling in frustration (and a small bit of pain), he hauled himself to his feet and made his way back towards the tree, grabbing a stick along the way.

_The stupid, bloody tree should know who he was by now!_

As he stepped closer, another heavy branch came rushing toward his face but before he could even attempt to dodge it, a strong arm had wrapped its way around his waist and tugged him away from the violent tree.

He and his rescuer fell roughly to the ground and Remus inhaled sharply at the hard chest pressed against his back, tensing as a very familiar – and dangerously intoxicating – scent assaulted his nose.

"Alright?" a deep voice panted in his ear.

The rain was still pouring down and the wind had begun to whir restlessly as if it too hoped to warn them of the dangers of a full moon.

Nodding brusquely, Remus made to push himself to his feet again – away from the safety of that warm, hard body below him and to the cold, dark, comfortless shack he knew awaited him – but the strong arm that had pulled him to safety was quickly joined by another and they both tightened swiftly to hold him in place.

"Remus…"

The deep voice was trying to calm him down, to _soothe_ him, but Remus tensed instantly at the sound of his name on the boy's lips and he struggled again to free himself from the embrace. The pangs of arousal had not subsided and he knew their present position would do nothing to help.

"What is it, Remus?" Sirius' hot breath was tickling his ear and he felt his breathing speed up. He could feel the wolf's desire for dominance growing stronger with every word the voice whispered in his ear.

_Not now_. _Please not now._

"Are you hurt? Do you want to go to the hospital wing? There's still time before…"

_Before I become a bloodthirsty beast?_

Almost shyly it seemed, Sirius' fingertips began tracing the scars on his back through his robe – as if by simply touching them he might be able to help them heal.

Remus felt the strong arms clutch him tighter, silently entreating him to respond in some way.

He had no words to offer though. He would not have known where to begin.

With a strange combination of force and frustration, Remus turned in Sirius' arms – breaking the secure embrace – and pinned the taller boy under him.

With hungry, golden eyes, he stared down at the handsome face of his captive for several long moments, relishing the feeling of finally having the boy's hard body beneath his own.

When Sirius raised his strong arms again, Remus thought for a moment that the older boy was trying to dislodge him. Perhaps Sirius was scared – as Remus believed anybody pinned down by an animal had a right to be – of the werewolf hovering over him.

But Sirius showed no trace of fear at his aggressiveness and the large hands – the hands that Remus could not get out of his mind – settled gently on his hips, holding him in place.

Remus growled his approval and watched fascinated as Sirius' eyes wandered from his face down to where his hands held Remus' narrow hips.

"Let me touch you again," the boy whispered huskily.

Had they not been pressed so close to one another, Remus did not think he would have heard the boy's plea over the sound of the rain splashing down around them. He marveled briefly at how _excited_ Sirius looked at the possibility of touching him again.

His breathing sped up slightly when he remembered how skillful Sirius' hands were and he knew he would not be able to control himself for much longer.

His golden eyes flashed as they took in the sight of Sirius' flushed face – drops of rain were clinging to the boy's dark eyelashes, to his cheeks, to his lips. His black hair was soaked with rain and mud and Remus had to fight down the urge to bury his fingers in the glistening strands.

"No," he finally answered, his own voice so husky he barely recognized it.

Without waiting to see Sirius' reaction, he leaned down quickly and captured the boy's lips, eagerly lapping at the drops of rain he found there.

Gods, Sirius tasted good.

As soon as he felt the boy start to respond to the kiss with equal fervor, he gave into temptation and moved his hands up to tangle in the dark, wet strands.

Within moments Remus felt a hardness that rivaled his own pressing up against him and although Sirius did not thrust upward, Remus sensed the boy's desire to switch their positions and take control.

Remus tugged sharply at the long hair then, eliciting a low, appreciative groan from the boy beneath him. He wanted to be sure that Sirius knew who was in control of their encounter this time.

He nipped and licked his way down the boy's throat, his hands relinquishing their hold on the black hair in favor of tugging impatiently at the heavy, soaked robe. It was _his_ turn to explore the other boy's body.

But just as he began to shiver in anticipation of finally running his hands and lips over the smooth, unblemished skin that taunted him so terribly, he realized – with a sudden, sharp pang of regret – that he did not have time to leisurely taste every inch of the boy's sweet skin. Not right then. It would not be much longer before the full moon would rise.

He felt more resentful about his curse than he had for years and with a snarl that he immediately attributed to the rising wolf, he pulled his lips from the boy's neck and turned his eyes to the sky. He had half an hour at the most.

Looking back down at the disheveled form below him, he shuddered as a feeling of sheer regret coursed through him.

Sirius' long hair was thoroughly drenched in mud and several of the dirty strands fell across his handsome face. The boy's lips, which had parted to let sharp breaths escape, were swollen and red.

He looked wild and untamed and Remus felt his desire for the boy increase tenfold.

Remus knew that it was not considered customary to pin the person you desire down amidst mud and rain and wind but, much to his relief, Sirius did not utter a word of complaint when Remus did just that and resumed his assault on the boy's neck.

For the next few minutes, he allowed himself to be controlled entirely by instinct. His hands roamed the boy's hard body over his wet clothing and he sucked eagerly at the soft flesh of Sirius' neck. The thought of leaving a mark excited him to no end.

With renewed fervency, Remus pressed his now aching arousal against Sirius' own, trying to convey through the action the sense of urgency he felt to…_complete_ their encounter before he had to lock himself away for the night.

At the sensation of hardness meeting hardness, he felt Sirius shudder and groan in appreciation before suddenly turning his face away from their heated kiss and starting to push forcefully at his hips to break the contact.

"No," Sirius whispered raggedly, the desire in his eyes now accompanied by what looked strangely like longing and regret. "No. Just you, Remus."

Remus' growl of fury at the boy's familiar words immediately turned to a groan of pleasure when the boy's right hand traveled over his hip and under his robe to rub at Remus' erection.

The hand quickly made its way into Remus' trousers and wrapped firmly around the base of the hard shaft it found there. The rain dripped down to cover Sirius' already wet hand and the strokes became quick and fluid.

Remus' head flew back at the feeling of the talented hand on him again and he only barely prevented himself from howling in pleasure with every deliciously perfect stroke that brought him closer to completion.

With a skilled hand like that, it was no wonder that Sirius did not think it necessary to keep a steady girlfriend.

Remus turned his head back down suddenly, intent on tasting the boy's sweet lips again. The sight of Sirius' hungry, awed gaze as he watched his own hand bring Remus closer to the edge, though, provoked a very abrupt response from him.

His hands reached out to bury themselves in Sirius' hair once more and, with a final shudder as he felt his release spill into Sirius' waiting hand, he slumped forward against the hard body below him.

"Stay with me tomorrow," he heard Sirius say quietly. "_Please_."


	18. Chapter 18

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 18**

"_Stay with me tomorrow," he heard Sirius say quietly. "Please."_

_He waited for his pulse to slow down before he lifted his head from where it rested against the hard, broad chest. They were both beginning to shiver in their wet robes but, unlike Remus, the black-haired boy did not seem to notice._

_Gray eyes were fixed on Remus' face as the boy waited anxiously for a response to his question._

"_Please," Sirius whispered again._

Remus felt a sharp tug on the sleeve of his robe and turned to find a familiar face watching him with amusement.

"You know, Remus … Binns will be heartbroken to learn that his biggest fan – and only, I daresay – has finally joined the mass of daydreaming students that occupies almost every other one of his lectures."

Shaking his head to clear it of the shameful – and thoroughly arousing – memories, Remus' eyes widened to see his classmates already filing rapidly out of the stuffy classroom.

_How long had he been lost in thought?_

Remus quickly began packing up his books, trying ineffectively to ignore the way Terry's eyes sparkled with mirth as they watched him.

"Professor Binns could not name a single one of his students," he replied finally. "As you well know."

The two boys turned simultaneously to watch their professor distractedly erase the blackboard, scratching his head and mumbling softly to himself as he did so.

"Yes, well..._if_ he knew you existed he would be _very_ disappointed to know your thoughts were elsewhere today."

After exchanging amused glances, the two boys followed the throng of students filing out of the old, dusty classroom and out into the crowded hallways.

It had been a rather long day and despite Remus' uncommon – yet genuine – appreciation for History of Magic, he was still finding it difficult to concentrate on anything but the night of his last transformation.

_Two days ago_, he reminded himself.

If the memory had not lingered so clearly in his mind he might have thought it nothing more than a dream.

With shame, he realized he was absently scanning the corridors again in an attempt to avoid encountering any sixth year Gryffindors.

Well. _One_ sixth year Gryffindor…

After he caught several glimpses of black hair out of the corner of his eye – all of them causing his heart to skip a beat and his face to heat up – he figured it would be safest to keep his eyes glued to the ground for the rest of the day.

Summer, he decided, could not come quickly enough.

* * *

_Remus shivered again and closed his eyes._

_His forehead was resting against Sirius' and the boy's gentle hands were holding his head in place, thumbs lightly stroking Remus' cheekbones._

"_Come up to the sixth year dorms tomorrow," the boy breathed. "James and Peter will be gone. I can look after you…"_

_Remus still felt the lingering desire to touch the other boy (in the same way Sirius had touched him) but with the wolf satiated – however temporarily – he was able to obey the part of his mind that told him he should keep his hands to himself._

"_I won't –," Sirius faltered. "I mean if you think this is about – that I'm trying to – that I only want –"_

_Remus wondered if anybody had ever heard the dark-haired sixth year sound so inarticulate._

_The sight of the other boy – uncharacteristically awkward – made Remus' heart race again._

_He captured Sirius' parted lips again before he could stop himself._

The sharp, echoing sound of a door being slammed pulled Remus from his thoughts again.

He blinked rapidly and took in the hushed whispers around him with bewilderment.

He had somehow managed to seat himself next to Terry at the Ravenclaw table and although he was rather proud of himself for managing that, he also felt slightly irritated that he had not been paying more attention to what was going on around him.

He glanced up from his place by Terry's side to scan the Great Hall. He wondered what – or who – they were all talking about.

When his golden eyes finally landed on the Gryffindor table, he was startled to find hazel eyes staring unblinkingly at him from across the hall.

James Potter?

He could not ignore the thoughts that flooded into his mind at receiving the bespectacled boy's attention.

He had pinned that boy's best friend to the ground and shamelessly groped him while mud soaked through their clothing. He had hungrily tasted the mouth and gulped in the intoxicating scent of the older boy until his orgasm washed over him. Over them.

And he wanted to do it again.

Remus flushed and turned away, reaching quietly for a glass of water and trying his hardest not to think about what the boy's look meant.

"What do you think, Remus?"

"Hm?" he murmured, turning his attention to Terry and swallowing a rather large gulp of cold water that he hoped might cool his face down a bit.

"Still daydreaming?" Terry smiled. "They were talking about Black. He knocked his chair over and nearly split it in two a minute ago. Either he has somewhere to be or someone to avoid. Personally, I'm more inclined to believe the latter. Although in all honesty, I can't say I care that much."

Remus' mind immediately filled with more unwanted thoughts.

_What was wrong with Sirius?_

He wished he could convince himself that he did not know the answer to that question. With his stomach clenched tightly in regret, Remus' thoughts turned once more to their last encounter.

"_Sirius," he whispered against the boy's red, swollen lips. "I have to go."_

_The panting boy below him did not respond but between the expression on his face and the firm grip he had on Remus' narrow hips, Remus was fairly certain that the boy was not ready to let him go._

_Pushing aside the lingering desire he felt, Remus gently removed the boy's hands from his hips and rose gracefully to his feet. After grabbing the nearest mud covered stick he could find, he stood for a moment with his back to the other boy._

_He felt a sudden and irrational burst of fear course through him at the thought of walking away from Sirius._

_While he was off lurking in the darkness of the Shrieking Shack – vicious and bloodthirsty – who else would receive Sirius' attention? Someone better? Someone purer? The thought was not far off pathetic but that did not stop it from settling in the back of his mind. He could not shake the feeling of unease at the thought of losing the older boy's attentions._

"_I'll come," he said quietly._

_

* * *

_

His transformation had not been any more painful or violent than it normally was.

Yet when Remus awoke, cold and alone on the hardwood floor the following morning, he somehow felt more dejected than he usually did.

The memory of his irrepressible desire – of the hard body that he had pinned below his own – did not fill him with pleasure or excitement.

He was ashamed.

Tension quickly weaved its way into his already sore muscles and when Madam Pomfrey had arrived, insisting that he remain in the hospital wing overnight to recover, he could not bring himself to argue.

How could he face Sirius?

He did not think the older boy understood the extent of the desire Remus had felt for him in those moments leading up to his transformation. He could not remember wanting something – some_one_ – so much.

Remus sighed in frustration and tugged roughly at the tie around his neck. He released the top two buttons of his white collared shirt as he walked amidst the crowd of students retiring to their common rooms for the night.

Avoiding Sirius was proving to be more difficult than he had expected – made even harder by the fact that he wished he did not have to avoid him at all.

His mind lingered on thoughts of the boy – his hard body, his soft touches, his sweet words – and Remus wished more than ever that he had been brave enough to turn up at Sirius' dorm the night following his transformation.

Remus shook his head and sped up his pace, no longer noticing the various students that passed by.

Terry had invited him to study for the evening and although it had been undeniably tempting, Remus was still weak and tired from his transformation. He did not have the energy to pore over books all night in an attempt to avoid Sirius. He just wanted to rest and forget everything for awhile.

He rounded a corner sharply and ascended another set of stairs at a quicker pace.

He needed to stop thinking about Sirius. The guilt had already settled in the pit of his stomach and, short of facing the older boy, there was not much more he could do to relieve the ache of regret he felt.

_What would he say to him anyway?_

_Did he have to say anything at all? Could they not just go back to kissing and touching?_

Utterly distracted by the images that question conjured, Remus scarcely took his first step on the third floor landing before he felt large hands close around his upper arms and yank him backward through the nearest open doorway.

Remus barely managed to take in the filthy state of the small, cramped classroom he'd been pulled into before the tall figure shoved him roughly across it. He stumbled over a chair and caught himself on the edge of one of the desks, turning in time to see the last sliver of light disappear behind the closing door. He could only vaguely make out the sinister figure hovering by the entrance.

After a few moments the scent of the boy wafted across the room and hit Remus' nose. He struggled not to stumble back further into the darkened space.

Instead, he exhaled sharply and turned away from the shadow.

"Not now," he said quietly.

He heard the figure take a few steps closer to him.

"I've been patient, Remus."

Remus' hands were shaking ever so slightly. He felt weak– as if he hadn't slept or eaten for hours and suddenly his body was demanding both rest and food at once.

"Not now," he said again. He could hear the note of pleading in his own voice and he clenched his fists by his side in an attempt to still their movement.

"Not now?" The dangerous voice mocked. "I hope you don't think I've kept quiet because I _care_ about you, Lupin."

He needed to lie down for a little while – he would handle all of this when he woke up. He just needed a clear head to think.

The figure stepped closer and Remus' eyes could just make out the sharp, thin outline of the boy's form.

_I could get past him, _Remus thought._ I could get past him if I didn't feel so bloody tired._

"How much do you value your life here, Lupin? Hm? Your education? Your safety? Your friends?"

Remus did not move.

"If I didn't know better I would say you've grown quite attached to one…_friend_ in particular."

Remus clenched his jaw shut. He wanted to get out of there.

"Has he met your father, Remus?"

The boy paused for a moment before stepping closer to whisper in Remus' ear.

"Would he like to?" he breathed.

Remus gave a great shove and tried to step around the taller boy but the bruising grip on his upper arm returned almost instantly and the boy thrust him against the wall – _hard_.

He heard – and felt – his head crack loudly against the hard wood and he sucked in a breath quickly through his still-clenched teeth.

"Maybe I should tell him, hm? Let him in on the big secret…"

Remus struggled against the boy's grip but he felt so damn weak. Sore. Tired.

It was infuriating.

The cold eyes watched him contemptuously for awhile before the boy finally released him to land a vicious blow to his cheek. Remus was thrown back by the force of it.

"Don't ever forget what I know, Lupin…what I can do…"

They stood in silence for several seconds.

Remus refused to respond and he got the impression that the boy was debating whether or not he should hit him again. Within moments, he seemed to make up his mind.

It wasn't until Remus heard the sound of footsteps and the soft clicking noises indicating the opening and closing of the door that he allowed himself to believe the boy had actually left.

Before he could begin to contemplate making his way back to Gryffindor tower, he slid to the floor and closed his eyes.

"Please don't tell him," he whispered to the empty room.

After a moment, he felt tears start to slide down his cheeks and he was suddenly grateful that Shanks had left him alone in the darkness where no one could see.


	19. Chapter 19

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 19**

In his tired state, Remus could not tell if the hard, warm body carrying him through the darkened corridors was real or part of some torturously vivid dream.

He had only stirred slightly from his deep sleep when one strong arm curled up under his knees, another under his neck, and lifted him from the cold, dusty floor of the classroom.

He knew that under normal circumstances he would have objected to being _carried_ anywhere.

The idea was mortifying.

With a soft groan, he opened his eyes slowly and squinted up at the face above him.

Sirius was holding a wand, lit at the end, in his mouth. Remus was reminded distinctly of a dog carrying his treasured bone and he knew that, under different circumstances, he might have smiled at the sight.

Instead he found himself closing his eyes again and letting the events of the last few days come back to him in quick succession.

Sirius.

His transformation.

The hospital wing.

Classes.

Exhaustion.

Shanks.

Darkness.

A part of him hoped that all of it _was_ a dream.

Remus slowly opened his eyes again and studied the handsome features that were lit by the soft glow of the wandlight.

The dark hair looked clean and tidy. The smooth lips were slightly parted around the wand. The clear, gray eyes were staring straight ahead, wide and alert.

Remus no longer felt caught between dreams and reality.

He was suddenly painfully aware of the fact that he was being carried through the hallways of Hogwarts.

In the dark.

By Sirius.

The one person he had already humiliated himself in front of quite enough.

"I-I think I can walk," he whispered.

Sirius, who had kept his eyes focused on the space ahead of them, glanced down at him and frowned.

Instead of lowering Remus to the floor, he clutched him tighter and nodded at the corridor ahead as if to say "we're almost there…why not let me carry you the rest of the way?"

Remus thought he must be even more tired than he realized because he did not argue.

When they reached the portrait hole, Sirius lowered him to the floor and stepped back to let him go through first. The black-haired boy kept a gentle hold on Remus' arm to keep him steady.

As soon as they crossed the threshold, they were both bathed in the light of the common room fire.

Remus could feel Sirius' gray eyes studying every detail of his face again and he very nearly gasped aloud when he caught sight of the older boy's stony expression. He watched the muscle in Sirius' jaw jump before the boy raised a hand to lightly trace his cheek.

Oh. _That_.

"Who did this?" Sirius asked quietly.

Remus shook his head in response.

"I could have stopped him if I'd wanted to, Sirius…or hit him back."

He felt pathetic enough after having been carried back to the common room…he wasn't about to tell on Shanks to Sirius with the hope that the other boy might _avenge_ him.

He watched attentively as Sirius reached for his hands and took them gently in his own.

The boy turned them over and traced his thumbs over Remus' knuckles.

"But you didn't," he observed.

The gray eyes were searching his face again and Remus turned away.

He was not going to lie. He _hadn't_ done anything.

Brawling, he knew, would not have solved the problem. If anything, it might have made Shanks even angrier and who knew what he would do then?

Sirius sighed and stepped back.

"You're tired, Remus," he said softly. "You should get some sleep."

Remus felt startled, worried even.

_That was it? Were they going to bed without saying anything else?_

"Sirius, I…," he started.

They stood staring at each other at the foot of the steps leading up to the dorms.

"Thank you…for bringing me back."

Sirius did not say anything but wordlessly reached for him and they carefully embraced one another.

"You're alright, aren't you Remus?" he asked softly.

Remus nodded but he felt his hands grasp tightly to the front of the boy's robes.

He hadn't even realized he'd grabbed them.

"Does the offer still stand, Sirius?" he whispered.

It was not a good idea, Remus knew that, but he didn't want to part with the other boy again. Not yet.

The strong arms tightened around him and he felt Sirius sigh into his hair.

"Yes."

* * *

Remus could not see a thing.

He knew exactly where he was though.

After Sirius had led him up to the temporarily empty sixth year dormitory – and then to his bed – he had left Remus alone for awhile.

Despite the fact that he'd said he needed a quick shower before he could sleep, Remus wondered if the boy was just giving him a chance to flee back to his own room if he changed his mind.

He hadn't.

After donning the pajamas he obtained from his own dormitory, he had slid between Sirius' cool sheets and turned onto his side. Even without the boy himself there, Sirius' scent was all over the pillows and blankets.

Remus found it incredibly comforting.

Despite having a dozen things on his mind – or perhaps because of it – it hadn't taken long for him to fall asleep curled up in the boy's bed.

As he lay there silently, now awake, he realized that he had not even woken when Sirius had finally joined him.

_How long ago was that?_ he wondered.

He turned carefully onto his side to face where he knew Sirius lay. He could sense the other boy next to him and he fought down the urge to shift closer.

Guilt. Desire. Regret. Shame. Affection. Fear.

Remus could not settle on one emotion but he found that, in the dark, certain ones were becoming more dominant than others.

It was as if it might not all be real when he could not see what he was doing. Just another dream.

In an audacious move that he could no longer attribute entirely to the wolf, he reached out blindly for the other boy. His hand came to rest against the boy's chest.

His _bare_ chest.

Remus shuddered.

He could feel the steady beat of the boy's heart under his fingertips.

_How badly had he been wanting to touch the other boy like this?_

He laid there for a long time, indescribably comforted by the feeling of Sirius' heart beating beneath his hand.

_What if he never had another chance to do this?_

The thought left him feeling unsettled.

After awhile, Remus began slowly trailing his fingers down past the hard, broad chest, and over the smooth, flat stomach. He wanted to memorize the boy's body in case it _was_ the last time.

Sirius let out a low, shaky sigh under his ministrations and one of his large hands covered Remus' own – stilling his movement.

_Was he awake?_

Still emboldened by the darkness that the night and the bed curtains had provided him with, Remus leaned closer until his lips touched the place his hand had rested against the boy's chest.

Just above his heart.

"Sirius," he mouthed against the skin.

Driven by instinct, he pressed light kisses across the expanse of Sirius' chest and down, down, down, until his lips hit the top of the boy's boxers.

He nearly stopped there…contented with having the taste of Sirius lingering on his lips…satisfied with having secretly marked the other boy with his kisses.

But something urged him on further.

A scent.

Heavy. Familiar. Intoxicating.

Sirius was aroused. He could tell.

Having been barely able to ignore his own body's reaction to their sleeping arrangements, Remus shuddered with the knowledge that Sirius, too, was not unaffected.

With his left hand still encompassed by one of Sirius', he shifted down the bed and let his lips ghost over the waistband of Sirius' boxers.

It did not take long for him to find what he was searching for.

His chin bumped against Sirius' hardness – causing his own arousal to twitch in excitement – and the boy groaned quietly.

He was still not completely awake.

Remus hesitated. Surely, he should wait to explore until he'd had the boy's permission…?

He did not have a chance to ponder the question for long.

With another quiet groan, Sirius had lifted his hips slightly – seeking contact – and Remus lowered his mouth without question to comply.

With only the thin layer of cloth between his lips and Sirius' hardness, Remus let his mouth trace lightly over the fabric that was now stretched taught over the boy's full arousal.

"Remus," the boy breathed.

Remus pulled his hand from Sirius' and curled his fingers under the elastic of the boxers.

The boy raised his hips obligingly and Remus tugged the material gently down the lean legs – finally freeing the boy's erection to the cool air…to Remus' lips.

He let the tip of his tongue trail from the base to the tip several times, trying to imagine what Sirius' length would look like in the light.

Every few seconds, when his tongue would reach the top, Remus would catch a salty drop of the boy's arousal.

At first, he did not mind the teasing samples that were left for him. The taste was foreign and new – and each little drop sent a thrill straight through him.

But after a few more strokes of his tongue against the hard flesh, he found he wanted _more_ of it.

He stopped using just the tip of his tongue and lapped eagerly at the head of the boy's shaft – trying to coax it to release more of the salty fluid.

He heard Sirius' breath catch in his throat and, emboldened by the response, Remus sucked the tip of the boy's length into his warm mouth –

– only to have it pulled from there mere seconds later.

Startled, Remus sat up quickly and stared into the dark space where he imagined Sirius' face was.

_Had he done something wrong?_

"Sirius?" he whispered.

The boy was breathing hard and when he finally spoke Remus thought he could hear the slightest tremor in the deep voice.

"Remus, what are you—what _were_ you?" he paused."I wasn't dreaming that time."

_That time?_

Remus bit his lip and found that he was once again grateful for the darkness that surrounded them.

"No, you weren't dreaming, Sirius."

He listened to the boy take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"It's nearly dawn, isn't it?" the boy whispered at length. "Maybe we should try to get some more sleep."

From what he could tell by the scent, Sirius' desire had not abated in the slightest.

Remus swallowed down the disappointment he felt at the boy's words and, after a softly murmured agreement, he stretched back out on the bed with his back to the taller boy.

"'Night, Sirius," he said quietly.

He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the pulsing ache between his legs.

Sirius was right. He should at least _try_ to get some more sleep.

He felt the boy's breath tickle the hairs on the back of his neck.

"Remus."

His eyes flew open – not that it made much difference – and he wondered for awhile if he'd imagined hearing his name fall from Sirius' sweet lips.

He started to tremble weakly when he felt fingers tentatively trail along the back of his neck.

"Gods Remus…that felt good."

Remus swallowed hard and waited a moment before turning over to face the other boy.

He wished he could see the boy's face without having to reveal his own.

"I could do it some more," he offered quietly, blushing at the huskiness of his own voice.

Sirius shivered.

"No."

Remus reached out and touched the boy's chest again.

"How about…?"

He let his fingers roam down slowly until they reached the boy's hardness. He closed his hand firmly around it.

Remus could tell that Sirius was trying – and failing – to keep his breathing even.

"No," the boy said again.

Even as he whispered the word, Sirius' hips gave an involuntary thrust into his tight grip.

Remus leaned in until he could feel Sirius' breath puffing out against his lips.

"Sirius?" he breathed.

He knew he would not be able to keep the hurt out of his voice.

"Why don't you want me to touch you?"

Sirius let out another shaky breath.

"Merlin, Remus…if you only knew—"

But the boy interrupted his own explanation when he leaned in to capture Remus' lips in a hungry kiss.

Their tongues lapped impatiently at one another until Remus thought he might finish just from the taste of the other boy's mouth.

One of Sirius' hands grasped his hip unexpectedly and tugged him closer until their hard lengths pressed together roughly—_perfectly_.

They both exhaled sharply at the sensation and began rubbing urgently against one another – reveling in the friction they created.

When Sirius began whispering his name over and over – as if marveling at what they were doing – Remus felt himself clutch even more tightly to Sirius. He pressed his lips against the soft skin of the boy's neck and he sucked lightly at a sensitive spot he found there.

It felt animalistic, _primitive_, to be moaning and grunting as they thrust against one another so feverishly.

Remus felt his climax approach without warning.

He tore his mouth away from the boy's neck just in time to sigh his release into Sirius' parted lips.

Sirius moaned at the fluid that was spilled between them.

"Remus," he panted finally. "Forgive me."

With a final thrust and another deep groan, Sirius climaxed against him.

He did not pull away until morning came.


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N – I finally got my inspiration back – something to do with the holidays, I think! For those who are still with me, I edited the entire story. Some chapters changed more than others but it is not necessary to go back and reread anything. The biggest change I made is that Remus transferred to Hogwarts in his fifth year, not his fourth - I needed him to be slightly older. As a result, Terry is now in his fifth year as well. ;-) Sirius is still in his sixth year though. I'm hoping this doesn't create too much confusion..._

_Happy (late) Thanksgiving!_

_

* * *

_

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 20**

"_Remus," he panted finally. "Forgive me."_

It felt unnaturally cold in the room.

The cool sheets on his bed seemed unwilling to absorb any of his heat. Remus shivered and tugged the bedding up over his shoulder.

He had been dreaming of Sirius again.

It was no wonder he felt cold waking up alone in Derbyshire.

His father's house, whether by accident or intent, was always cold. Even in what should have been the warmest month of summer, the air inside the house still felt damp and chilly.

Remus closed his eyes.

He had not seen his father since before he'd transferred to Hogwarts but he still felt the man's presence – stifling and inescapable – wherever he went.

Soon his father would be back in England.

The thought sent a shiver through Remus.

He could not allow himself to dwell on that right now.

As had been the case for the majority of the summer, the only thing strong enough to distract Remus from the impending disaster was the memory of his last night spent with Sirius.

When they had parted in the early hours of the morning, both of them blushing and silent – the proof of what they had done lying between them – Remus had instantly made up his mind to avoid any further contact with the older boy for the remainder of the school year.

Avoiding the temptation to return to Sirius' bed – to his arms – had been no simple task though.

Fortunately for Remus, the handsome sixth year had not sought him out and in the end, they did not exchange more than a few quick glances before it was time for them to board the Hogwarts Express.

Although strangely disappointed not to be pursued by the older Gryffindor, Remus had known it was for the best.

The fact of the matter was he was not always in control of his actions when Sirius was around.

Even now, the memory of being held tightly to Sirius' warm body still had the odd effect of creating a hunger within him that had yet to be satisfied.

Remus sighed.

This was why he needed to keep his distance from the older boy. When he was with Sirius, Remus felt unpredictable and wild – two things he could not afford to be. Not now, when he needed his thoughts to be focused and rational.

His Aunt's last letter to him had told him, in no uncertain terms, that he should not return to Hogwarts for his sixth year.

That he should run.

Remus knew that it would not be long before the dark wizards revealed themselves – their numbers had been increasing for years.

Soon they would no longer lurk in the shadows.

Remus had provided Dumbledore with what information he possessed but he knew that his father had been careful not to reveal too much about their plans. Perhaps his father had sensed his aversion to the dark arts.

That did not mean that the man did not have plans for _him_ too though.

Remus knew that if he wanted to survive the next year then he had to be prepared for what was going to happen when his father returned from abroad.

His aunt was right – it would be inviting danger to return to Hogwarts…but where else could he go?

It was only a matter of time before his father came for him. He might as well wait someplace that he liked. Someplace that he felt safe.

Someplace near Sirius.

His hand clutched the cold sheet below him.

It wouldn't matter if he did not get to talk to Sirius…to touch him. Remus would be soothed by the mere fact that they were in the same building again.

Instantly, Remus felt the wolf stir inside of him at the thought.

No.

He was lying to himself.

Being in the same building as Sirius would not be enough.

He knew that the wolf had been angry at their separation. It had wanted more of the other boy. It had wanted to claim him, to _mark_ him as one of its pack.

The only desire of the wolf in regard to Sirius had been one of possession. Mine.

_Mine_.

Remus shivered again when he realized how strong that desire was.

The wolf's thoughts were beginning to meld with his own.

He shifted uncomfortably.

Remus did not know if he would be able to suppress the beast inside of him in the upcoming months. Not when all he wanted to do was savor the dwindling moments in time before their world was turned upside down.

He wished he could stay with Sirius and forget it all – erase what he knew and replace it with new memories of being held…of being safe.

Remus clenched his jaw.

How he _hated_ being there in his father's house.

Ten days.

Just ten more days of this and then he would be back on the train to Hogwarts.

To warmth.

To Sirius.

* * *

The compartment was blissfully quiet.

Resting his forehead against the glass, Remus stared out the window of the Hogwarts Express as it sped through the countryside.

He had slipped onto the train as surreptitiously as he could manage but he knew that he had not escaped notice entirely.

Thankfully none of the Ravenclaws who had waved excitedly at him as he loaded his trunk had seen fit to follow him to the compartment at the far end of the train.

Remus was grateful for the solitude. He knew that he would not have much of it once he returned to school.

The fear that had settled deep within him in the previous months was becoming more and more difficult for him to ignore. The only thing comforting him now was the thought of Sirius being somewhere on the train…finally close to him again.

_Had the older boy even thought of him? Would he have forgotten their connection? Moved on? Lost interest?_

Remus closed his eyes.

It should not matter…but it did.

With the full moon approaching once again, Remus found it was becoming harder to remain resolute in his decision to keep his distance.

Even if Sirius was no longer interested in him, Remus was not so sure that he could resist pursuing the raven-haired boy. Remus wanted his scent. He wanted another taste of the forbidden.

He clenched his jaw when he thought of how the older boy had felt up against him – hard…_warm_.

Well, _he_ certainly hadn't lost interest in Sirius. He wanted him desperately...craved the taste of him.

Not to mention, the wolf positively howled at the thought of having the boy under him again.

It wanted to lick, bite, mark, claim.

It was as if the wolf sensed the impending destruction of peace and it wanted Sirius now…before it was too late.

Remus' thoughts were interrupted by the click of the latch on the door to the compartment.

Quickly lifting his forehead from the glass, he turned – expecting to find the face of one of the Ravenclaws who had spotted him getting on the train.

Instead, his eyes were drawn to movement closer to the floor.

A wet, black nose sniffed rapidly at the small opening to the compartment before a large, furry paw helped slide the door open further.

Remus felt an unexpected smile quirk his lips at the sight of the huge black dog padding its way into the room. Although he could see that its gaze was fixed intently on him, the light did not illuminate the color of its eyes.

The dog stalked towards him slowly, its head tilted to the side as it studied his face.

Without a thought, Remus held out his hand for the animal to sniff.

Following the brief, almost distracted inhalations of his scent, the dog let out a loud bark and, tail wagging, jumped up to place his paws on Remus' shoulders.

It was _heavy_.

Remus laughed quietly and reached up to rake his fingers through its thick fur.

"Who do you belong to?"

The wet nose nudged his cheek and Remus laughed again.

"Friendly, aren't you?"

Big eyes blinked at him once before the big dog moved to jump up on the seat beside him.

It immediately settled its large head on his lap.

Remus smiled and rested a hand on the dog's head, turning to stare out the window again as he absently scratched behind its ears.

Allowing himself to become mesmerized by the changing colors of the trees, Remus found that it was not long before the worry settled within him again.

How much longer would it be before the peace vanished altogether?

Remus could sense what was coming.

_Darkness recognizes darkness, his father had once said._

He shut his eyes tightly.

A war was coming.

The wet nose nudged his hand again but he did not notice.


	21. Chapter 21

_Merry Christmas!_

_

* * *

_

**The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 21**

As he took his first step down from the train, Remus did his best to avoid the many puddles of water that had settled on the ground that evening. Unfortunately for him, given the number of hours it had been raining – and the fact that it was now dark in Hogsmeade – avoiding puddles proved to be a rather tricky feat.

He sighed in resignation when he landed smack in the middle of one at the edge of the platform. The water seeped into his shoes and Remus scrunched his nose up at the uncomfortable sensation of having wet socks.

Had the large dog from the compartment still been by his side, he might have remarked aloud on it being a rather bad start to the evening.

As it was, Remus did not even have time to lift a foot from the puddle before a warm chuckle sounded from behind him.

His pulse quickened.

Despite his body's immediate response to the sound, Remus forced himself not to turn around.

"Allow me," the deep voice offered. The tone was one of amusement as the older boy murmured a drying spell that provided instant relief to his wet feet.

Unfortunately for Remus, he found himself much too distracted by the warm presence at his back to fully appreciate his newly dried socks.

While he tried not to take any deep breaths – the scent was immensely distracting – he also had the undeniable urge to shudder in relief at finally being close to the older boy again.

"Is that any better?" The question, spoken softly into his ear, caused his throat to go dry.

When he did not respond, the figure moved to stand in front of him.

Remus looked down quickly with the pretense of studying the effectiveness of the spell.

"Didn't it work?" the older boy asked him, concern evident in his voice.

Although he had felt instant relief at the spell, Remus continued to stare down at his feet in an effort to prolong the inevitable.

He had not been prepared to see Sirius yet.

_Did the older boy have any idea the effect he had on him?_

Their mere proximity was causing a reaction that he would rather not have amidst the crowds of Hogsmeade.

"Er…yes," Remus said finally. "I believe so."

He could feel Sirius' gaze on his face.

"Thank you," he finished quietly**.**

He braced himself and looked up – swallowing thickly at the sight of the older boy.

Sirius looked even more handsome than he remembered.

The older boy had not yet donned his robes and Remus' gaze eagerly traced the outline of his body through the white shirt and dark trousers he wore. With his tie off and the top button of his shirt undone, the smooth neck was partially bared to Remus' hungry eyes.

He quickly looked away from the exposed skin.

Yes. The older boy had definitely changed.

It looked as if he had grown taller. His hair looked different too somehow.

More significantly than either of these changes, though, was the intensity that was now present in the gray eyes. Right then, Sirius looked supremely focused and sure of himself.

It was clear that he had some sort of objective – a new purpose – that he had perhaps not had before. The maturity it brought to the boy's handsome features was indescribably enticing to Remus.

Having endured Remus' gaze in silence, Sirius finally stepped closer – his warm fingertips reaching out to graze the outside of Remus' hand.

After a moment, Sirius' hand closed around his in a firm grip and they both shivered at the contact.

Thankfully, despite the glowing lampposts, it was still too dark for any passersby to notice their entwined hands.

Though even had they not been shielded by darkness, Remus was not so sure that the older boy would have cared much about the discomfort they might have caused the other students. At the moment, the gray eyes were ignoring every possible distraction around them in lieu of studying _him_.

"Remus," the older boy murmured quietly. "I've missed you."

Remus let out a shaky breath.

_If the other boy only knew…_

He did not say anything in response but the platform was quickly becoming more and more crowded as students stepped off the train and began retrieving their trunks.

Sirius looked around in irritation when they were bumped and jostled by a couple of sixth years hurrying past. His eyes narrowed at one figure in particular but Remus – who was quite reluctant to look away from the vision in front of him – did not see who it was.

It was not long before Sirius' attention was fixed solely on him once more but – seeming to acknowledge that they could not remain there for much longer without getting trampled down – the taller boy sighed in defeat.

"We'd better move," he said softly.

Remus nodded dazedly and the warm hand encompassing his own tightened briefly before it began pulling him away from the bustling students.

They did not have to go far before they reached a darkened alcove on the far end of the station.

Still finding it difficult to speak, Remus cleared his throat and allowed his gaze to settle on the students across the station. A few feet away, above their heads, a dim lantern flickered but from where they stood, shielded by darkness, he knew the students would not be able to see them without coming quite a bit closer.

Strangely, there was only a small amount of relief in that.

When Sirius' hand tightened around his again in an attempt to reclaim his attention, he reluctantly turned away from the crowds to look into the gray eyes.

Sirius was watching him closely.

"There's no need to be nervous, Remus," he said softly.

Remus swallowed tightly.

"I'm not nervous," he whispered.

Sirius' let out a huff of laughter at his response but smiled down at him.

Remus' heart thumped in his chest.

"And I missed you too, Sirius," he said quietly.

The older boy said nothing in reply but after a few moments of staring into one another's eyes, the boy's gaze flicked down to stare at his mouth.

Remus fought the urge to purse his lips.

The gray eyes moved back up to look into his again and another small smile made Sirius' lips twitch as he leant in closer to Remus.

"Good," Sirius whispered, closing the remaining distance between them.

The first sweet kiss they shared that evening brought both relief and a tremendous amount of longing to Remus.

Sirius raised both of his hands to either side of Remus' face and held him still as his smooth lips moved over Remus'. They stood there for several moments, tasting one another with deliberate but torturously slow movements.

"Sirius," he whispered between kisses. His own hands had moved up to lightly take hold of the dark hair. His heart continued to race.

_Merlin only knew how badly he had wanted this._

Remus would not allow himself to think about anything else beyond that moment.

As soon as they had both had their fill of sweet kisses, Sirius pulled back to look into his eyes again.

Understanding flared between them.

Immediately, one of Remus' hands moved to grip the back of Sirius' neck and he pulled the taller boy into a desperate – and much more passionate – kiss.

Sirius' strong body pushed him back against the stone wall and Remus groaned at the contact.

After awhile Remus broke their kiss to bury his nose and mouth in the crook of Sirius' neck. He was not sure which was more intoxicating: the scent or the taste of the other boy.

"Not much time," Sirius whispered hotly in his ear.

Remus shuddered when he felt the other boy pull away.

Without preamble, though, Sirius reached down to unbutton Remus' trousers.

It did not take him long to find what he sought. Remus inhaled sharply when one of Sirius' strong hands boldly closed around his hardness.

"Merlin Remus," the older boy said softly. "I can think of nothing but you anymore."

With one hand lightly stroking his length, Sirius held Remus firmly against the wall with his other.

He kneeled down.

Remus' whole body tensed at the prospect of what Sirius was about to do. They were still at the train station. He could not believe that he was not trying to stop the other boy.

He looked down in disbelief….and no small amount of desire coursed through him.

Although his gray eyes were darkened with passion, Sirius grinned up at him with undisguised excitement.

Without hesitation, the seventh year leant forward to take Remus' hard length into his mouth.

Remus' head fell back against the hard stone of the station wall.

He groaned deeply.

He could not imagine a more pleasurable sensation than the feeling of Sirius' hot mouth wrapped around him.

Both of Sirius' hands now pressed firmly against his hips – preventing much movement as the talented mouth continued to kiss and lick along his hardness.

It did not take long for the pressure to build up inside of him.

Sirius seemed to be in tune with his desire and, sensing Remus' closeness, took the whole length of him into his mouth. He sucked hard until Remus grasped his hair tightly in warning.

Any remaining tension quickly left Remus' body with his release. He leaned even more heavily against the wall. Both of Sirius' strong hands were still gripping his hips and when Remus' breathing finally returned to normal, he looked down to find Sirius staring up at him with a familiar look of longing and adoration.

He fought down a blush.

Sirius grinned at him again when their eyes met.

Standing in one fluid motion, he gently righted Remus and looked over at the dwindling crowd with regret.

Before Remus could reach for him, Sirius leaned forward to place another soft kiss on his neck.

"You'd better get a carriage," he said quietly.

Bestowing another lingering kiss on his neck, Sirius pulled back to look at him. He smiled at the expression of disappointment on Remus' face.

"Later," he whispered into his ear.

Shuddering at the wicked thoughts that that single word brought to his mind, Remus remained in the darkness until he lost sight of the handsome figure.


End file.
